Austin & Alias/Transcript

Austin & Alias
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Austin:	I'm so happy we finished all those songs for your album.
Ally:	And I'm so happy we can work on some songs for you now.
Trish:	Well, I'm so happy that you two are happy. But for the record, I am not happy.
Austin:	What's wrong?
Trish:	I lost the raffle for the thousand dollar gift card at the animal print emporium. These tickets are garbage.
Ally:	I don't get it. There were only a hundred raffle tickets and you bought 99 of them.
Trish:	I know. Who the heck beat me?
Dez:	I won! I got a thousand dollar gift card to the animal print emporium. The hot spot for spots.
Trish:	You don't even wear animal print.
Dez:	Well, I might start. In fact, check out this Jaguar-print backpack. So chic. Rawr.
Ally:	Can you guys keep it down? Between your bickering and that backpack, it's a little loud in here. So Austin, what do you think of this?
Austin:	I love it. Let's try this for the melody.
Ally:	Perfect.
Austin:	Promise me no matter how big our careers get, we'll always write songs together.
Ally:	I promise.
Trish:	Ronnie Ramone, what are you doing here?
Ronnie:	Let me get right to the point. Ally, we at Ramone Records love your new songs. It's time to start talking about releasing your album.
Trish:	Congrats!
Austin:	That's awesome!
Dez:	It's about time.
Ally:	This is so exciting. Thank you so much, Ronnie.
Ronnie:	Hey, don't tell me you're working on a new hit for me right now?
Austin:	She won't, because it's not what she's doing.
Ally:	Actually, we're working on a new hit for Austin.
Ronnie:	Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, you can't do that anymore.
Austin:	What are you talking about?
Ronnie:	Let me get right to the point. Ally, you can't write songs for Austin.
Ally:	Say what now?
Trish:	Hold the phone, Ramone. Care to tell us why?
Ronnie:	Sure, Ally is signed with Ramone Records. Austin is signed with Starr Records. I have a policy. No helping the competition.
Austin:	But we have to write together. We're partners.
Ronnie:	Let me get right to the point.
Trish:	You know, you'd get to the point a lot faster if you stopped saying "Let me get right to the point."
Ally:	Ally, if you continue to write for Austin, I'll drop you from my label.
Dez:	Okay. Let's all take a deep breath. Trish is a good manager. I'm sure she's already come up with a brilliant solution to get us out of this mess. Right, Trish?
Trish:	Let me get right to the point. Yeah, I've got nothing.
Theme song.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Ally:	I've written songs for Austin since the day we met. It's how we connect. I'm worried if we lose that, it could hurt more than just our partnership.
Trish:	Are you sure this isn't about more than just your partnership?
Ally:	Yeah, that's exactly what I just said.
Trish:	Sorry, I'm not a good listener. But don't worry. Austin's talking to Jimmy. I'm sure there's a solution.
Austin:	There's no solution. Jimmy said it's Ronnie's label and he can do what he wants.
Dez:	He also said that these leopard suspenders don't go with these pants. So... What does he know?
Trish:	First of all, nothing goes with those pants. And second, those aren't leopard. They're Asian cheetah. I should have gotten that gift card.
Ally:	It just doesn't seem fair that we can't write together anymore.
Trish:	Well, don't just give up. You march into Ronnie's office and insist that you're gonna keep writing for Austin.
Ally:	But I could lose my record deal.
Austin:	I don't want that to happen. You've worked too hard for this.
Dez:	Don't worry, Ally. You don't need Austin. You can write, you can sing. You'll be fine. But Austin can't write, so his career is over. You had a great run, buddy.
Austin:	I did, didn't I? Wait.
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Dez:	Hey, Trish. Oh. Like my hat? Got it at the animal print emporium. With my gift card did you didn't win.
Trish:	Why'd you even enter that raffle? Animal prints are my thing.
Dez:	And raffles are my thing. It's the first one I ever won. Or entered.
Trish:	Just give me the hat.
Dez:	Wouldn't you rather have... the card? Oh, nice try. I have a proposition. I will give you the card in one week.
Trish:	What's the catch?
Dez:	Each time you insult me during said week, I will go back to the store and buy more stuff. The nicer you are, the more money you'll have left on the card.
Trish:	All right. It's just one week. I could be nice to you.
Dez:	Yes!
Trish:	Doofus. Okay, I'll be nice.
Dez:	You'd better be. 'Cause you're now down to $843. So, you ready to start auditioning new songwriters?
Ally:	I guess so.
Austin:	Yeah, but it's not gonna be easy.
Trish:	You worried you're not gonna find somebody?
Austin:	No, I'm worried even if I do, it won't be as special as what I have with Ally.
Ally:	I know. I feel the same way.
Dez:	They're doing it again.
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Austin:	♪ It was a cat-sized dog, living in a log ♪ ♪ Sharing his supper with a mean old frog ♪
Austin:	♪ Vomit on it, vomit on it ♪ ♪ Your faces make me sick! ♪
Austin:	♪ I want to be the cheese to your macaroni ♪ ♪ Or the mayonnaise on your bologna ♪
Austin:	♪ In the practice room ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ everybody watching us ♪ ♪ What? ♪
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Austin:	What a disaster. Now I'm really worried.
Dez:	Why? The mariachi guy was amazing.
Trish:	Dez, you are such a... Sweet and charming boy.
Ally:	Well, I gotta watch the store. Don't worry, Austin. We'll figure something out.
Austin:	We'll never find a songwriter to replace Ally.
Trish:	Well, there's one more left. Someone named Roxy Rocket left this song. May as well look at it.
Austin:	Hmm. This might actually be good.
Austin:	♪ Girl, you could be my once in a lifetime ♪ ♪ If you open up your heart, show me who you are ♪
Austin:	Wow. I really like it.
Trish:	Me too.
Austin:	Great melody, strong lyrics. She really gets my style.
Trish:	Well, I think we just found your new songwriter. From now on, it's gonna be Austin and Roxy.
Austin:	Huh. It's weird to hear that. I guess you're right. This is the end of Austin and Ally.
Dez:	So... It's a definite "no" on the mariachi? No taste.
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Trish:	Ally, we have some news. Do you want me to tell her?
Austin:	No, I should be the one. Ally, we...
Dez:	Found someone way better than you.
Austin and Trish:	Dez!
Ally:	So who'd you pick?
Austin:	Her name's Roxy Rocket. She wrote an awesome song.
Ally:	Austin and Roxy, huh? Well, congrats. I'm happy for you. You should call Roxy and give her the good news.
Trish:	Here. She left her number.
Ally:	Hello?
Austin:	Hi, is this Roxy Rocket?
Ally:	This is Roxy.
Austin:	This is Austin Moon. I loved your song and I want you to be my new songwriter.
Ally:	Really? That's great. I would love to be...
Austin:	Ally, can you keep it down? I'm on the phone. Sorry, Roxy, my friend's being rude. Anyway, I think we'd make a great team. Roxy?
Ally:	I think we'd make an amazing team.
Austin:	You're Roxy Rocket?!
Ally:	Yep. I couldn't stand the thought of not writing with you anymore. But if I write under an alias like Roxy Rocket, then Ronnie will never know it's me.
Austin:	That's genius.
Trish:	But, Ally, it's not like you to be so devious and deceitful. I'm so proud of you.
Dez:	So let me get this straight. You're name is actually Roxy, and this whole time you've been pretending to be Ally so you can write songs with Austin?
Ally:	I'll explain it to you later, Dez.
Austin:	Well, Roxy, want to play this new song?
Ally:	I'd love to.
Who U R.
Exterior. Shredder's Beach Club.
Jett Deely:	That was Austin Moon's latest hit "Who U R" written by his new songwriter Roxy Rocket.
Austin:	That's you.
Jett Deely:	Tune into Video Countdown Live this week. We'll be broadcasting life from Shredder's. And see if Austin and Roxy can take that top spot.
Austin:	I know we're gonna take the top spot, 'cause Roxy wrote a hit song.
Ally:	Thanks. I'll tell her.
Austin:	Dez, what's with the scarf?
Dez:	Oh, you like it? I got it yesterday after Trish called me count dorkula. It's 50% cheetah print, 50% leopard, and 50% ocelot.
Trish:	Did I say dorkula? I meant freakenstein. Darn it.
Dez:	You'd better behave yourself, Trish. 'Cause the cash flow is getting low.
Austin:	Hey, check it out. Everyone on the Austin Moon fan page wants to know all about Roxy. What should I write?
Ally:	What do they want to know?
Austin:	Uh, where's she from? What's she like?
Trish:	No one knows who Roxy is, so we could make up whatever we want.
Dez:	Let's make her the opposite of Ally. Tall, super confident, a good dancer.
Ally:	Hey! But I like that. Put that in. All right. Let's read back what we posted.
Austin:	Okay, so Roxy is a tall, confident fashionista.
Trish:	She's also an award-winning dancer who's not afraid to speak her mind.
Austin:	And she's a Swedish pop punk with pink and blonde checkerboard hair.
Ally:	Yep, that's me.
Dez:	Wait. That's you Ally, or that's you Roxy?
Ally:	I'll explain it to you later... Again.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Ally:	Hey. How was your lunch meeting with Jimmy?
Dez:	It was fine. Till I ordered that third lobster to go. Sometimes I get the feeling Jimmy doesn't like me.
Ally:	Why? Did he say something?
Dez:	Yeah, he said, "Dez, I don't like you."
Austin:	Ally, we've got a problem. Jimmy loves the new song.
Ally:	And that's a problem because...?
Austin:	He asked about Roxy.
Ally:	Please tell me he doesn't want to meet her.
Austin:	It's worse than that. He booked me and Roxy to be on video countdown live tomorrow.
Ally:	What?!
Dez:	You get to be Roxy on live TV. Or as Roxy would say [speaks Swedish]
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Austin:	I thought since Roxy's Swedish, eating Swedish meatballs will help you get into character.
Ally:	Can't argue with that logic.
Austin:	Just eat one and try your accent.
Ally:	That's one good meatball.
Austin:	Hmm. Maybe these are Italian meatballs.
Ally:	Austin, I can't do a Swedish accent.
Austin:	Or Italian.
Ally:	This is never going to work. I should just admit I made Roxy up and hope Ronnie Ramone doesn't drop me.
Austin:	No, you can't take that chance. You have to go through with being Roxy. If you lost your record deal because of me, I could never look myself in the mirror. And I love looking at myself in the mirror. What's up?
Exterior. Shredder's Beach Club.
Dez:	Check out my cow print boots. Moo! The gift card's down to 713 bucks. You shouldn't have made fun of me.
Trish:	But you've been wearing underwear over your pants all day.
Dez:	I had no choice. There was a hole in my pants and if you looked through, you could see my underwear!
Trish:	But now your underwear's... never mind.
Austin:	May I present Roxy Rocket.
Ally:	Is my Swedish accent okay?
Austin:	Nope. Just let me do all the talking.
Ally:	Ja. That is probably a good idea.
Trish:	Oh brother.
Jett Deely:	Hey hey. You ready to do some live TV?
Austin:	Uh, actually we need a couple...
Jett Deely:	and we're live on video countdown live. Joining us this week are Austin Moon and fresh out of Sweden, new songwriting sensation, Roxy Rocket. So Roxy, what's it like working with Austin?
Austin:	It's great working with me. I'm an amazing person to work with.
Jett Deely:	I was asking Roxy. So, how do you like working with Austin?
Ally:	Ja.
Jett Deely:	Okay. It says here in your bio that you're kind of sassy. You're known for speaking your mind. What's the craziest thing you've ever said?
Ally:	Ja.
Austin:	You see that? No filter at all. You never know what she's gonna say.
Jett Deely:	Well, you certainly are different from Austin's last songwriter, Ally Dawson, aren't you?
Ally:	Ja. Different. Not the same person at all.
Jett Deely:	Well, Austin, I think I like this new song better than any of the songs you wrote with Ally.
Ally:	Excuse me?
Jett Deely:	Well, Roxy, you just bring this fire that Ally never had, and I think you're more talented than her.
Ally:	What? Ally is brilliant. You have no idea what you are talking about.
Jett Deely:	I think I do. You bring something fresh to the table, and the song is a hit, so obviously the people agree.
Austin:	Ally was also fresh. Some might even say that Ally and Roxy had the same amount of fr-freshness.
Jett Deely:	Well, in my opinion, Ally Dawson wasn't such an important part of your success after all. She was overrated.
Ally:	What do you know? You don't write music. You just sit there with your over-gelled swoopy hair and read stupid questions off of stupid cards.
Austin:	Another interesting fact about Roxy is when she gets angry, she talks in an American accent.
Ally:	Ja. And another thing. Ally has worked too hard to be treated with such disrespect. Am I right, Miami?
Crowd:	Roxy, Roxy, Roxy!
Jett Deely:	See, this is what I was talking about. It's exactly that kind of fire that Ally lacks.
Ally:	I'll show you fire. Whoa whoa!
Austin:	Thanks for having us on the show, Jett. It was good times. Good times. Good night, Miami.
Exterior. Shredder's Beach Club.
Ally:	Whoo!
Austin:	What's gotten into you?
Ally:	I don't know. Being Roxy just makes me feel so powerful.
Trish:	I think it's great. Roxy reminds me a lot of me, before I started the whole being nice thing.
Austin:	Ronnie, what are you doing here?
Ronnie	Let me get right to the point. Roxy, I like your moxy. I'd like to hire you to work with my new artist Ally Dawson.
Dez:	That's great. I can't wait to tell Ally.
Ronnie	No need. I'm gonna call her right now and arrange for you two to meet.
Dez:	Roxy, are you gonna get that?
Ronnie	Wait a minute. Ally? You're Roxy?
Trish:	Ally is Roxy? I had no idea. I'm just as shocked as you are.
Dez:	I'll explain it to you later.
Ronnie	You wrote that song for Austin?
Austin:	Ronnie, wait. Don't drop her from your label. It's not her fault. Ally was just trying to help me.
Ally:	Austin, I'll handle this.
Austin:	Are you sure?
Ally:	Yeah. I picked up a few things from Roxy, like her moxy. Ronnie, writing songs for Austin makes me a better artist, and that's the artist you signed. So let me get right to the point. I will continue writing songs for Austin, you will not drop me from the label and you're gonna like it!
Dez:	Yeah, you tell him, Ally.
Ronnie	Hey, no one talks to Ronnie Ramone like that. I'm impressed. And a little frightened. Look, Ally, I'd rather let you keep writing for Austin than lose you as an artist.
Ally:	Really? Thank you, Ronnie. You will not regret it.
Ronnie	I better not.
Austin:	I guess this is the end of Austin and Roxy.
Ally:	But Austin and Ally are back.
Dez:	Aw, I love happy endings.
Trish:	Look what you did, you... You are such a clumsy little... you know what you are? You're a... and a... you're the biggest On this planet! Even on your best days, you're a... I can't believe you did this, you...
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Dez:	So, what do you think?
Ally:	You look ridiculous.
Dez:	Thanks. That's what I was going for.
Jett Deely:	Austin, there you are. Where's Roxy?
Austin:	Oh... Roxy? She suddenly moved back to Sweden.
Jett Deely:	Oh, that's too bad. The show got monster ratings because of her. Maybe I should call her and ask her to come back on?
Ally:	Sorry. Unfortunately, she's in a part of Sweden that doesn't get cell service. Oh, and she quit music forever.
Jett Deely:	That's too bad. She was very talented... But not as talented as you.
Ally:	I saw the show, Jett.
Jett Deely:	Awkward.
Dez:	If you're looking for some talent, may I suggest the musical stylings of Señor Dez and Guillermo. Guillermo! One more time.

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