Club Owners & Quinceañeras
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin: Okay, off the baby grand, into the tuba. (bounces ball off the piano and shoots into the tuba successfully and he and Dez high-five)
Dez: Yes!
Austin: Woo!
Ally: I'll be taking this. (grabs the basketball from the tuba)
Dez: What, there's no playing ball in the store?
Austin: We'll stop playing now. We know all about your no-fun rules.
Ally: (in a high pitched voice) What? Ha-ha, I can have fun. I took the ball because, uh, I want to play. (bounces the ball) Grab your book bags, you're about to get schooled. (shoots the ball and accidentally knocks a rack of tambourines over) Yeah, no playing ball in the store.
Trish: (comes in wearing a puffy blue dress) Guess who's having a quinceañera?
Dez: Ooh, I'll take one! Do you have any chicken quinceañeras? I'm trying to cut back on red meat.
Trish: You're thinking of a quesadilla.
Dez: No, a quesadilla is a traditional Latin American party celebrating a girl's fifteenth birthday.
Trish: That's a quinceañera. And stop trying to learn other languages, you can barely speak English. (Dez looks offended)
Ally: Trish, I thought you didn't want to make a big deal for your fifteenth birthday.
Trish: But my mom's making me because it's a family tradition. I even have to wear this dress she wore to her quinceañera. (starts dusting off the dress and Austin, Ally, and Dez cough from it)
Dez: Hey, there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs. This underwear's been in my family for six generations.
Ally: Ew.
Trish: I'm so not looking forward to this party. My mom wants to give a speech, my brother wants to do his magic act, and my cousin, Deb, is only coming to show off her new boyfriend, the big club owner.
Austin: Whoa, whoa, say that again!
Trish: I'm so not looking forward to this party. My mom wants to-
Austin: No, the part about the club owner.
Trish: Oh, Emilio? Well, I don't know, I haven't met him yet. But apparently he owns like five of the biggest clubs in the country.
Austin: This can be huge for us!
Trish: What do you mean?
Austin: If Emilio sees me perform at your party, he'll want to book me in all his clubs!
Ally: This could be your first national tour!
Dez: Oh, I hope we get to play in Miami.
Ally: We live in Miami.
Dez: I know. But I love it here.
Trish: Listen to you guys, you're just like everyone else. You want me to have a quinceañera just so you can have something out of it. How selfish is that.
Austin: You realize you'll get a boatload of presents, right?
Trish: Guess who's ready to party! (dances)
Theme Song
Interior. Practice Room
Dez: Trish, this party is about your entrance into adulthood. So, you should make a grand entrance to your party. I've got some ideas. (turns on a screen connected to a tablet that first shows a picture of Trish on a motorcycle) Here's you entering on a motorcycle. (picture of Trish on a jet ski pops up) Here's you entering on a jet ski. (picture of Trish on an elephant pops up) Here's you entering on an elephant.
Trish: I'm not riding a stupid elephant.
Dez: Okay, what about a smart elephant? (glasses, a graduation cap, and diploma show up on the elephant)
Trish: Dez, you're wasting my time.
Dez: Alright, here's a much simpler idea. Just swing in over the crowd on a jungle vine like an ape man. (pounds his chest and imitates Tarzan)
Trish: Yeah, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
Dez: (sees Austin come in)' Oh, Austin, when you sing at Trish's party, do want to swing in on a jungle vine like an ape man?
Austin: That's the best idea I've ever heard! (pounds his chest and imitates Tarzan)
Trish: Go back to my job or hang out with you two apes? Back to changing diapers at the daycare it is. (walks away)
Interior. Mall of Miami
Ally and Trish are at the mall's food court and in both of Trish's hands are little buckets filled with pink envelopes.
Trish: Okay, you pass out the invites on that side of the mall, and I'll get this side.
Ally: (takes out an envelope) You're inviting "Girl from Jewelry Store"? You don't even know her name.
Trish: I know that a pair of diamond earrings will make a great quinceañera present.
Ally: Trish, that's terrible.
Trish: Hey, I need something at this party to look forward to. Since apparently it's for everyone else, but me. My annoying brother still wants me to let him do his magic act.
JJ: Did somebody say magic? (flicks cards)
Trish: JJ!
JJ: So, Trish, have you thought about letting me perform at your birthday?
Trish: You can't even do a simple trick!
JJ: Oh, yeah? (takes off backpack and pulls out milk and takes off his hat; JJ pours milk into his hat) With a little abracadabra, voila! (puts on his hat and milk leaks out of it)
Trish: (laughs) I like that trick! Do it again. (JJ walks away)
Ally: Hey, there's Dallas - the cute boy from the cell phone accessory cart. Act normal. (attempts to "act normal" by posing as Dallas approaches) Hey, Dallas. (chuckles) Catch the game last night? (glances a knowing look at Trish)
Dallas: What game?
Ally: Uh... (laughs awkwardly) You are too funny! (chuckles)
Trish: Okay, hey, Dallas, I'm having a party. Black tie optional, gifts mandatory. (gives him an invite)
Dallas: Cool, can't wait. (walks away)
Ally: I can't believe you did that. Do you really need cell phone accessories that badly?
Trish: No, I invited him because you have a crush on him! But if he doesn't bring me a sparkly cell phone case, he's not getting dinner.
Ally: But he can't come to your party. I get so nervous around him I can barely talk.
Trish: You don't have to talk, just dance with him! They'll play a slow song, you'll touch hands, stare into each other's eyes, and boom! Instant boyfriend. At least, that's how it happens on that reality show: Boom! Instant Boyfriend.
Ally: You know I can't dance, Trish. I'll have better luck talking to him.
Dallas: Sorry, I left my drink on your table. (reaches for a cup on the table)
Ally: Or maybe, you left our table under your drink. (laughs awkwardly and Dallas smiles as he walks away) I gotta learn how to dance.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin is up in the practice room and stands up when Ally comes in.
Austin: Hey, Ally. Check these moves out. I need an awesome performance at Trish's party if I'm going to score that national tour. (turns on music and dances to it) Wassup?
Ally: (claps) Ugh, wow, I wish I could dance like that. Trish thinks I could win Dallas over by dancing with him at her party. But I've only got one good move. (dances by flailing her arms out and down and moving her feet)
Austin: That's your good move?
Ally: I must be the worst dancer in the history of dancing. (sits on the piano bench)
Austin: Aww, that's not true. Dancing's been around forever. There must be someone worse.
Ally: Gee. Thanks.
Austin: Look, don't worry about dancing with Dallas. Slow dancing is easy. Just follow the guy's lead.
Ally: Do you think you could show me?
Austin: Sure.
As Ally stands up, Austin turns on slow music and they get into a classic simple slow dance position, with Austin's left hand and Ally's right hand held together, Austin's right hand around Ally, and Ally's left hand on Austin's shoulder.
Austin: 'Kay, ready? (adjusts where his and Ally's hand go) Right about there.
Ally: (she and Austin step to the left but stop) Sorry, I just stepped on your foot.
Austin: Actually, that was your foot. Just follow me, you can do this. (starts dancing with Ally around the practice room)
Ally: Hey, I'm getting the hang of this.
Austin: Now I'm gonna spin you.
Austin spins Ally despite her protests, and it is successful, until Ally accidentally spins back and with her foot, knocks a stereo speaker onto Austin's foot, causing him to fall.
Ally: Ugh, this is hopeless. There's no way I'm dancing at the party tomorrow.
Austin: (attempts to get up, but fails and holds onto his ankle) Ow. Yeah, and neither am I.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin is sitting in Sonic Boom with his ankle propped onto another seat. Dez comes in with a pack of ice.
Dez: Don't worry, Austin, Doctor Dez is here. Rule number one for a sprain: you've got to put ice on it. (drops ice bag onto Austin's ankle)
Austin: Ow!
Dez: Okay, that doesn't seem to be working. (Austin takes the ice pack off of his ankle) Uh, let's try- (takes out needle) -acupuncture!
Austin: You know what, I'm good. (gets up) Man, this stinks. How am I supposed to perform at Trish's party if I can't even stand up? That Emilio guy is never gonna book me in his clubs.
Dez: I got it. You already have the jungle vine for your entrance, why don't you do the entire show flying above the crowd?
Austin: The jungle vine thing is cool.
Ally: (comes running in) Austin, I am so sorry. Nobody feels worse about this than I do. Well, you probably do because you have a sprained ankle, but I'm a close second.
Austin: It's okay, Ally. Dez came up with a way for me to still give a cool performance.
Ally: At least the party won't be ruined for both of us.
Austin: You're still gonna dance with Dallas. I'll coach you. Dez, you be Dallas. Ally, you be Ally.
Dez: Aww, I want to be Ally.
Austin: Dez, we talked about this.
Dez: Fine, I'll be Dallas. (walks over to Ally) Hey, Ally. You always stare at me and say weird things. Want to dance? (flips hair)
Ally: Not quite how I imagined the moment, but okay. (Ally and Dez get into the slow dancing position)
Austin: Okay, just follow Dez's lead. A simple one-two, one-two. (Dez and Ally dance fast) You're going too fast. It's a slow dance. (Dez and Ally dance very slow) Okay, let's call it a medium dance. (Dez and Ally dance at right about the perfect pace) There you go, Ally, you're doing it! You're gonna be great at this party. Now, let's try a spin!
Dez: Oh, I love this part. (ends up spinning himself out of the store)
Interior. Hotel
Austin and Ally walk into a room decorated in pink. Austin is on crutches and Ally carries a wrapped present in her hand.
Ally: Wow, Trish's mom really went all out.
Austin: I felt so bad, I forgot to bring her a present.
Ally: I don't think she'll notice. (points to a table stacked with presents) Do you see Dallas? I can't wait to dance with him.
Austin: Wonder if Emilio is here yet. I can't wait to show him my performance.
Dez: (comes in dressed in a yellow puffy suit) ¿Qué, pasó, amigos?
Austin: Why are you wearing that poofy suit?
Dez: You saw Trish's dress. Thought everyone has to wear poofy stuff.
Ally: Ooh, Trish is about to make her big entrance.
Mrs. De la Rosa: We want to thank all our family and friends for coming to Trish's quinceañera. Now, introducing the birthday girl - Patricia Maria De la Rosa! (everyone applauds)
Dez: Who? I thought we were here for Trish.
Ally: I can't wait to see Trish's new dress. She didn't want to wear her mom's because it wasn't her style. (Trish comes out in a pink and zebra print dress) That's much more Trish.
Austin: She looks great.
Dez: Yeah, zebra is definitely her color.
Mrs. De la Rosa: We're so proud of Trish; she's such a hard worker. I remember when she got her first job at the bookstore, and then the next day she got a job at the bakery. And an hour later, she quit and got a job at the pet shop. And then she-
Trish: (takes the microphone) Okay, Mom. Let's get to the gifts.
Mrs. De la Rosa: Honey, it's not about the presents. Tonight is a magical night.
JJ: Did somebody say magic? (flicks cards)
Mrs. De la Rosa: It's time for the traditional first dance. Please join Trish and her father on the dance floor.
Austin: (he and Ally see Dallas) Now's your chance to dance with Dallas.
Ally: I'm nervous.
Austin: Don't be. You were great dancing yesterday with Dez. Just pretend Dallas is Dez.
Ally: All right, it's just a slow dance.
Austin: Quit stalling.
Ally: Stalling? I am not stalling. Stalling - that's a funny word. Bet you can say it ten times fast. Stalling, stalling, stalling, stalling, stalling, stalling-
Austin: Ally!
Ally: Okay, I'll ask him. But, this song is almost over. I'll just have to wait until they play another slow song.
A significant amount of time passes and Austin, Ally, and Dez are sitting at their table while other people are on the dance floor.
Ally: I can't believe they haven't played another slow song. It's been two hours, the party's almost over.
Austin: I can't believe Emilio hasn't shown up yet.
Dez: I can't believe how many shrimp I can fit in my poofy pants. (drops shrimp in pants)
Trish: (goes up to Austin) Austin, Emilio's going to be here in fifteen minutes. You'll only have enough time to play one song because we lose the space at ten o'clock.
Dez: I'll get the jungle vine ready. (takes shrimp before he goes)
Austin: (hears slow music) They're finally playing a slow song! Now's your chance to dance with Dallas!
Ally: I'm going. But I don't want you guys watching. I'm already nervous enough.
Trish: Okay, we won't watch. (Trish and Austin turn the opposite way, but quickly turn back around as soon as Ally turns her back)
Ally: Uh, hey, Dallas.
Dallas: Hi, Ally.
Ally: Fun party, huh? Listen to this music, it really puts me in a dancing mood. (dances awkwardly) Would you look at that? Didn't even realize I was dancing. Huh, weird, right? Just me, dancing. All by myself. (stops dancing) Okay, this is ridiculous. Uh, do you want to dance with me?
Dallas: No thanks.
Ally: Oh, phew! I don't know why I was so nervous, I feel so much- Wait, did you just say no...
Dallas: Yeah, sorry. (walks away)
Trish: (Trish and Austin go up to Ally) Ally, I'm so sorry.
Ally: It's okay. This night isn't about me. Austin's going to have a great performance, and Trish, you have a huge cake and a table full of presents. Everything's fine.
Dez: Look out! (comes in swinging on the jungle vine and knocks over the deejay equipment and the table of presents)
Ally: See, everything's fine! (runs away)
After Ally runs off, Trish and Austin check up on Dez who is lying among the presents on the ground. One present is on his head.
Austin: Dez, are you okay?
Dez: Yeah, I'm fine. I was testing out the jungle vine and it accidentally untied.
Trish: This is terrible! You destroyed my presents, you broke the deejay's turntable, and people are starting to leave! By the time Emilio gets here, everyone's going to be gone.
Austin: I don't want him to see me perform without an audience! Get them to stick around for ten more minutes while I go talk to Ally.
Trish: How am I going to get everyone to stay? I'm not a magician.
JJ: Did somebody say magician? (flicks cards)
Trish: Fine, you can do your magic. But no card tricks.
Up on stage, Trish is in a box that only shows her head and feet. JJ is holding a magic wand, about to perform his act.
JJ: And now I will cut my sister in half!
Trish: Do a card trick, do a card trick!
JJ: Now, with a little abracadabra, (starts to slide the saw through the box) And a little more abracadabra, (pushes the saw in further and pushes apart the two boxes successfully) Voila! (everyone applauds)
Trish: Bravo, now put me back together.
JJ: Um, about that.
Cut to where Austin is on the phone and Dez is sitting at the table.
Austin: Ally, where are you? I've been looking all over. (pause) Under where? (chuckles) I just said underwear.
Ally: (peaks from under a table) I'm under here.
Austin: Oh. (hangs up and goes under the table) Why are you hiding?
Ally: I'm so embarrassed. I can't show my face in front of Dallas.
Austin: Forget about him. He's not that great.
Ally: You're right, I can't even remember why I like him. Just because he has dark hair, and kind eyes, and a great smile... Okay, I remember exactly why I like him.
Austin: That guy doesn't know what he's missing. You're awesome.
Dez: (goes under the table as well) Hey, guys. Austin, Emilio finally got here. You've got to sing your song now.
Austin: Hang on, I'm talking to Ally.
Dez: There's no time, they're already starting to clean this place up. (table above them is lifted and carried away)
Austin: You gonna be okay?
Ally: Yeah. Go kick some butt and get yourself booked in those clubs.
Cut back to JJ still trying to put Trish back together.
JJ: Making someone disappear, turning someone into a chicken... Nothing on putting someone back together.
Austin: (goes up on stage) JJ, show's over. I've got to perform.
Trish: He has to put me back together.
Austin: There's no time.
Trish: W-what about my legs?! (is pushed away by Dez)
Dez: That's Emilio in the green tie.
Austin: (is given a stool to sit on) Thanks. (adjusts microphone) Hey, everybody, I'm Austin Moon. (people applaud) Thanks for staying, especially Emilio, the club owner. I'm gonna sing a song for you. (music to A Billion Hits starts playing, but then sees Ally in the crowd) You know what, stop. (music stops and he stands up) I really wanted to sing to you guys, but there's only time for one song. And I'd rather spend that time dancing with one of my best friends.
Dez: (goes up to the stage) Man, that's so sweet.
Austin: Not you, Ally. (leaves the stage)
Ally: Austin, what are you doing? You're missing your chance with Emilio.
Austin: Hey, it's more important that the coolest girl here finally gets her dance. Hit it!
Slow music starts to play and Austin and Ally dance to it.
Ally: Thanks, Austin, this is so sweet.
Austin: 'Kay, ready, time for the dip. (spins Ally around) Don't worry, you can trust me.
Mrs. De la Rosa: (comes in and blows an air horn, causing Austin to drop Ally) Party's over!
Austin: Sorry. (helps Ally up) You can trust me when someone doesn't blast an air horn in my ear.
Cut to where people are now leaving and Trish and Dez are near the exit.
Trish: Thanks for coming. There better be gift receipts in those boxes. (looks up) Deb, Emilio, you made it.
Emilio: So sorry, Trish. There was a problem at one of my clubs. Some guy got mad at the thirteenth hole and drove a golf cart into the lake.
Trish: Whoa, cool, you have golf carts and lakes at your night clubs?
Emilio: Night clubs? I own country clubs.
Trish: Oh...
Austin: (Austin and Ally go up to Trish, Emilio, and Deb) Excuse me, sir, I'm Austin Moon. I'm sorry I didn't get to perform for you tonight, but I was really hoping to play at one of your clubs.
Emilio: Sure, son. How's six a.m. tomorrow?
Austin: I usually don't play that early, but okay.
Trish: Austin, he owns country clubs, not night clubs.
Austin and Ally: Oh...
Austin: Yeah, I don't play golf or get up at six a.m. But thanks for the invite.
Emilio: No problem. (walks away)
Ally: Sorry this night didn't work out, Austin.
Austin: I still had fun. Got to hang out with my friends, eat some shrimp from Dez's pants, and I learned a little español.
Trish: Hola, still in here.
Austin: We got a figure out a way to put you back together, Trish.
Dez: Whoa, not so fast. I got to say, I like hanging out with this half of Trish much better. (beckons to the half with Trish's feet)
Trish: Hilarious. (kicks Dez)
Ally is talking to one of the waiters when Dallas approaches her.
Dallas: Hey, Ally?
Ally: Oh, hey.
Dallas: You're a really great dancer, I could have never pulled that off. That's why I said no to you. I mean, I wanted to dance with you, I just didn't know how.
Ally: Wait a minute, you can't dance? That is amazing!
Dallas: It is?
Ally: Yeah, I can't dance either, look! (does bad dance move where she flails her arms in the air)
Dallas: Wow, that is pretty bad. But not worse than this. (shakes his body)
Ally: Haha, okay. (the two do bad dance moves together) Yeah, or what about... (continues to dance)
Pan to Austin, Trish, and Dez sitting or standing around.
Austin: Tonight was a bust. Looks like I'm not going on a national tour anytime soon.
Trish: Yeah, and all I have are broken presents.
Dez: (picks up a present) They're not all broken. (accidentally drops it and it makes a shattering sound) Yeah, they're all broken.
Austin: (looks at Ally and Dallas) Well, tonight wasn't a total bust. At least Ally came out a winner. (notices how bad they are at dancing) On second thought, maybe there are no winners.
End credits show, End of Episode
Managers & Meatballs/Transcript
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Deejays & Demos/Transcript

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