Diners & Daters
Interior. Melody Diner
Austin, Ally, and Dez are sitting at a booth at The Melody Diner restaurant with menus.
Austin: Where's Trish? How long does it take to walk across the mall?
Dez: I'm starving. What kind of waitress takes twenty minutes to get to a table?
Trish: (walks to the table) Guess who got a job at The Melody Diner?
Ally: That kind of waitress...
Trish: So, what do you want to eat?
Austin: I thought you were supposed to sing to the customers here.
Trish: Yeah, we're supposed to. But the manager's not looking so who cares?
Ally: Wait, Mindy's your manager?
Mindy takes a customer's menu and throws it down on the ground angrily and starts walking over to where Team Austin is, though Trish doesn't notice.
Trish: She's the worst. She's always looking over my shoulder, bossing me around, she drives me nuts. (looks behind at Mindy) ♫ -are in the brownies, so save them for dessert! ♫ (looks behind) Hey, Mindy.
Mindy: I hope you're giving this table your best service because it's got my favorite customer. (to Dez) I'm talking about you, Dezzy-cakes.
Dez: I know you have a crush on me, Mindy but I'm better at long distance relationships. Maybe you should go stand over there. Or in Alaska?
Mindy: You're so cute when you joke around. You were joking, right?!
Dez: Yeah, totally. (laughs and gestures for Austin and Ally to laugh along too)
Trish: So can I take your order now?
Austin: Can we get a new waitress?
Trish: Why? 'Cause I'm not singing?
Austin: No, I want her to be my waitress.
Austin points to a girl working behind the counter.
Austin: Trish, who is that?
Trish: That's Cassidy. She's, like, our best singing waitress. Hey, Cassidy! Come over here and tell 'em the specials!
Cassidy: ♫ Now the soup of the day is cream of spinach but hold on 'cause I ain't finished. I can sing a ballad about our crab salad. ♫
Austin: I'll have crab salad! You have a great voice. I sing too. I'm Austin Moon.
Dez: He's an internet sensation. He's sort of a big deal.
Trish: This is his friend, Dez. He's not a big deal.
Ally: I'm Ally; I don't know what my deal is.
Cassidy: Well, it's great to meet you Ally, Big Deal, Not a Big Deal. (walks away)
Austin: I'm totally gonna ask her out.
Ally: Let's order first. You'll have a better shot on a full stomach.
Trish: Whatever you do, don't order the chips and salsa.
Dez: Why? I want chips and salsa!
Mindy: Did somebody say salsa? R-r-r-r-ra! Salsa!
Salsa music starts to play and Mindy drags Dez out of the booth to dance with him. Meanwhile, the other waiters and waitresses start to salsa dance as well.
Dez: Can I change my order?
Mindy: No. Dance! (the two start to dance)
Theme Song
Interior. Melody Diner
Dez, Austin, and Ally are still sitting at the table, having already eaten.
Dez: Whoa, I'm stuffed. Let's get out of here. (stands and starts to leave)
Mindy: Oh-ho-ho. (pulls Dez away and makes him sit in another booth) Not before my Dezzy-muffin tries our famous ♫ cha-cha chicken pot pie ♫. It'll blow your mind.
Dez: I just don't see how-
Mindy: I said eat it!
Dez: (begins eating the food) ♫ Cha-cha-cha, me likey! ♫ (continues eating)
Austin: (sees Cassidy) There she is. I'm gonna go ask her out now. (gets up)
Ally: Wait!
Austin: What? (Ally starts fixing his hair) What are you doing? (Austin stops her)
Ally: Go get her, tiger.
Austin: (sits on the piano near Cassidy) 'Sup?
Cassidy: Hey, Blondie. 'Sup with you? (walks away)
Austin: Hey, Cassidy. You have a great voice. Do you ever sing about anything, besides food?
Cassidy: As a matter of fact, I do. I'm in a band.
Austin: No way. We have so much in common. We both love music. Um... We're both in high school. And we're both holding bottles of ketchup! (quickly grabs a bottle of ketchup) Cheers.
Cassidy: You're cute.
Austin: Thanks. So, Cassidy, I was wondering. Do you want to maybe go out sometime?
Cassidy: Sorry, I can't.
Austin: Great! I'll meet you at- What?
Cassidy: Sorry. (walks away)
Ally: I'm sorry, Austin.
Austin: Eh, it's cool.
Ally: Maybe some dessert will make you feel better.
Trish: (comes up) I don't feel like dancing, so whatever you do, don't order the chocolate shake, lemon twist, or-
Dez: The raspberry robot.
Trish: No!
Mindy: Raspberry robot!
Dez: Yay, robot! (gets up and starts dancing the robot with the other employees)
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally is pacing back and forth when Austin comes in.
Ally: Okay, I was thinking about this. There are only three possible reasons why Cassidy won't go out with you.
Austin: I'm listening.
Ally: One, she has a boyfriend. Two, she misunderstood your question. Three-
Austin: She's a mermaid and her dad won't let her dad humans?
Ally: I was gonna say she just might not be into you.
Austin: I think my reason makes more sense.
Dez: (walks in) Hey, buddy, I hear you're having some lady problems. I can help! They call me- (whispers) The Love Whisperer.
Austin: Thanks! And- (whispers) No one calls you that.
Dez: (whispers) Yes, they do. You just can't hear them because they're whispering it.
Austin: (whispers) Let's stop whispering. This is serious. I really like this girl. I can't stop thinking about her.
Dez: Just like I can't stop thinking about that Cha-Cha Chicken Pot Pie. Anyway, I'm an expert in love. I've been rejected so many times I can show you what not to do. Observe. (goes up to a girl) Excuse me, I'm Dez. I don't have a job and I only shower once a week. How would you like to be my girlfriend? (girl leaves) See? Do not do that! (whispers) The Love Whisperer...
Ally: That gets creepier every time you say it.
Dez: (whispers) Yes. It does.
Austin: I just wish why Cassidy said no to me. Then I could figure out a way to make her like me.
Trish: Oh, I know why she said no. I talked to her.
Austin: You did?! (hops over the store counter to Trish) What did she say?! What did she say?!
Trish: Well, she said that she won't go out with you because- (phone rings) Hang on. (answers) Hello? Would I like to take a twenty minute survey? I sure would! Yes. Bananas. Yes. Oh, that's a tough one. Gorgonzola?
Austin: (takes Trish's phone) What did she say?
Trish: She just asked me what my favorite cheese is?
Ally: Not the lady on the phone! Cassidy!
Trish: Oh... She said the only reason she's not going out with you is because all she has time for is work and her band.
Ally: That's a totally good reason. See, Austin, I told you she wasn't a mermaid! (Trish gives her a look) You had to be there.
Austin: So it's not me. She's just too busy. If I want to see her, I can either join her band, or...
The scene pans back to The Melody Diner where Austin now works as a waiter.
Austin: ♫ My name's Austin, I'll be your waiter! The soup of the day is cream of potat-er! ♫ So, yeah, what do you guys- (sees Cassidy) I'll be right back.
Austin is standing by the table where Dez and Ally are sitting.
Ally: Wow, you took this job just to be close to Cassidy. That is so romantic.
Austin: Yeah. Now I just need to figure out a way-
Ally: Manager alert! (Mindy comes over)
Austin: ♫ A way to make her like me! ♫
Mindy: ♫ There's my new celebrity waiter! And there's my Dezzy-wezzy-kins. ♫
Dez: Yeah, I think that's Dezzy-wezzy-kins' cue to leave.
Mindy: I have more chicken pot pie.
Dez: I can stay for a little bit!
Mindy: Trish! Can you finish training Austin? I'm kinda busy here. (watches Dez eat the chicken pot pie)
Trish: Or maybe Cassidy can train him!
Mindy: Don't care as long as he gets trained.
Austin: Yes! I get to hang out with Cassidy! Thanks for looking out for me, Trish.
Trish: Huh? No, I was just looking out for me. I don't want to do any extra work. But you still owe me.
Austin: (walks over to Cassidy) Hey, Cassidy. Mindy wants you to train me.
Ally: (moves into another person's booth closer to Austin and Cassidy) Scoot over, got to hear this. (hides herself with a menu)
Cassidy: Okay, new guy. Watch and learn. ♫ Here are your onion rings, lots of joy are what they bring. Don't you like your veggies fried, here are your sauces on the side. ♫
Austin: Whoa, that was like the best song I've ever heard about onion rings.
Cassidy: Thanks. The best part about this job is getting to sing all day. Music is really the only thing that speaks to me.
Austin: (nods) Okay, Ally, you can stop spying on me. (pulls menu away from girl who isn't Ally)
Ally: (pops up from behind the counter) I'm over here now! Austin, this is perfect! Cassidy just told you what to do to win her over! Music is the only thing that speaks to her. You have to writer her a song that comes from your heart.
Austin: Great! So tell me what comes from my heart!
Cassidy: Austin, I need you.
Austin: I need you too... I mean-I mean, I need you to tell me why you need me.
Cassidy: Are, uh, are you okay?
Austin: Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
Cassidy: 'Cause your hand's in the mac and cheese.
Austin: (sees his hand is in mac and cheese) Just checking if it's hot enough. And it is. (takes hand off) Hot! (shakes hand and blows) We need to go write that song.
Interior. Practice Room
Austin is laying on the top of the piano while Ally sits in a chair holding a pen and her book.
Ally: Okay, a song from the heart needs some real emotion. So what do you like about Cassidy?
Austin: She's perfect.
Ally: Perfect. Got it.
Austin: But not too perfect.
Ally: Not perfect. Got it. Why don't you tell me how she makes you feel?
Austin: Like, I'm wearing a new pair of sneakers. Or if I'm about to eat pancakes. Or if I just did a big loop-di-loop on a roller coaster and I'm trying not to throw up!
Ally: So she makes you feel like you're gonna throw up pancakes all over your new sneakers...?
Austin: Yeah! ...No. I don't know. You're the songwriter. You tell me how I feel. Ooh and throw something in there about onion rings.
Ally: Okay, onion rings. Would you like to be throwing them up or just eating them?
Austin: I don't care. As long as the song makes her happy. 'Cause I really like her. I got to get back to work and stare at Cassidy. (leaves as Dez comes in)
Dez: (lays on piano) Ally? I think I have a chicken pot pie problem.
Ally: Go on.
Interior. The Melody Diner
Dez is at the counter, surrounded by empty plates of chicken pot pie, and is currently eating another serving.
Dez: More chicken pot pie!
Mindy: (hands Dez another pot) Here you go, Dezzycakes.
Trish: You know when the Cha-Cha Pies run out, so does Dez.
Mindy: Then I guess I'll make sure they never run out. (pulls out a cart full of chicken pot pies) Dez!
Dez: Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cha! (runs and hugs the cart)
Ally: (walks in to Austin) Austin, I got to talk to you about this song.
Austin: That's the song?! Great! (goes to the piano)
Ally: Austin, wait, it's not done!
Austin: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please? I'd like to dedicate this song to the coolest girl in here. Cassidy. (starts playing the piano) ♫ You're perfect, but not too perfect, you're the pad of butter on my pancake stack. You're a rollercoaster ride and I feel like throwing up. Cassidy, go out with me. Something about...onion rings-ings... ♫
Austin gives Ally a confused look as Cassidy runs off into the restaurant's kitchen, causing Ally to chew her hair.
Interior. The Melody Diner
Ally is sitting at a booth while Austin is pacing back and forth.
Austin: What am I going to do? Cassidy hated the song and now she's not gonna like me.
Ally: I told you the song wasn't ready.
Austin: You called her the butter on my pancake stack. If anything, she's the syrup.
Ally: I just wrote all the stuff you told me. You're the one who communicate your feelings.
Austin: I can so communicate my feelings. And right now, I'm feeling...feelings!
Mindy: ♫ Austin, you know the rules, you have to sing to the customers, now sing! ♫
Austin: ♫ Ally, all I wanted was a song for Cassidy, but you let me down. ♫
Ally: ♫ I did the best with what you gave me. Why am I singing? I don't even work here. ♫
Dez: ♫ I'm all out of chicken pot pie, I need some more now. Please! ♫
Mindy: ♫ Trish, get my Dezzyroo some more chicken pot pie now! ♫
Trish: ♫ Don't start snapping your fingers at me. And stop taking advantage of my friend. Ew, did I just call Dezzyroo my friend? Ew, did I just call him Dezzyroo? ♫
Dez: ♫ Somebody just get me some more chicken pot pie. I don't care who it is. ♫
Mindy: ♫ Trish, I don't like your attitude. You're fired, you're fired, you're... ♫ Fired.
Trish: ♫ You can't fire me because I quit. I quit, I quit, I quit! ♫ (Trish leaves and so does Mindy)
Ally: ♫ I just wanted to be a good friend and help you out, why am I singing again. ♫
Austin: ♫ Well you definitely helped. You helped me blow my chances with Cassidy. ♫
Ally: I can't believe you're blaming me for this. (she leaves the diner)
Dez: ♫ Fine, I'll get my own pie. ♫ (leaves to go into the kitchen)
Interior. Practice Room
Ally is laying on the top of the piano while Trish sits in a chair reading a magazine.
Ally: I just can't believe he'd blame me. I was just trying to help.
Austin enters through the practice room door.
Austin: Hey, Ally. Got a second?
Ally: Yeah, sure. (to Trish) You can go, Trish. Thanks for listening.
Trish: Huh? You were talking to me?
Ally: Yes. I thought you were taking notes.
Trish: No. I was taking a survey on how to be a better listener. On a scale of one to ten, how did I do? (Ally grabs magazine and throws out into the trash) I'm gonna call that a seven. (she leaves)
Austin: Ally, I'm so sorry. I acted like a total jerk. I've just... never been this crazy about anyone.
Ally: I get it. Sometimes crushes make people lose their minds. Like how I act like a fool around Dallas.
Austin: Yeah. Whenever he's around, you always say stupid things and dance all goofy (he imitates Ally's usual dance routine, as Ally looks on with slight condesation) Cassidy just... she like makes my heart beat a mile a minute. I can't explain it. (he walks away, seemingly defeated)
Ally: But you just did! That's the first real feeling about Cassidy you've been able to express.
Austin: You're right! We can use that in a new song for her.
Ally: (somewhat hostile) Oh. You think I'm just going to write a new song for you because you've finally opened up your heart?
Austin: You're not?
Ally: (gleefully excited) OF COURSE I AM! I love romance!
Austin: Thanks, Ally. You're awesome. Dance it out?
Ally nods to the left side of her head, and starts going into her usual goofy dance routine. Austin decides to join in.
Austin: Now, that's what I'm talking about.
They both contine the dance routine, when in an unscripted moment, Ally falls down in a nearby comfy chair and gets right back up.
Ally: It's okay. It's a part of it. It was part of it.
Austin: (not exactly believeing her) It was part of your dance?
Interior. The Melody Diner
Ally, Trish, and Dez are sitting at a table. Mindy approaches them, somewhat reluctantly.
Trish: Excuse me, miss. Can you please sing me the specials?
Mindy: (struggling to hold her temper) I already sang them for you seven times.
Trish: Well, I'm a customer now, and I would like to hear them eight times.
Mindy: ♫ Today's specials are, chicken parmesan on a bed of linguini... ♫
Ally: (interrupting) You can stop singing. We'll take two of those.
Mindy walks away. Just then, Dez runs through the door, and stops when he sees Mindy. He briefly places his hands on his hips and bends his elbows forward in an effort to take a stand against her.
Dez: I'm not eating any more chicken-pot pie, Mindy. They're taking over my life. So... (he sits down at the nearest table)..this is the last time I'm coming in here.
Mindy: Okay, Dezzy-cheeks. Well, if this is the last time you're coming here, let me at least give you our famous egg salad on the house. (she grabs a serving of egg salad from a nearby customer's table and gives him a threatening look when he reacts. Then she puts the serving in front of Dez.) Eat it.
Dez: No thanks, I'm...
Mindy: I SAID EAT IT! (suddenly quieter and pleading) Just eat it.
Dez: (intimidated, he obeys her and is suddenly surprised by the taste) Oh no. ♫ Me likeeeey. ♫
Mindy instantly sits down next to Dez. Just then, Austin walks through the door of the Diner and approaches the girl he has been crushing on for the past few days.
Austin: Hey, Cassidy. Sorry about that song.
Cassidy: It's cool. I mean it was weird being compared to butter on pancakes. If anything, I'm the syrup.
Austin: You are so the syrup. Anyway, that song didn't say what I wanted it to. But this one does. Guys.
Austin bangs his elbow on a small jukebox, and starts performing "Heart Beat," as two dancers perform with him. His performance also consists of serving customers while he sings. Cassidy seems genuinely impressed this time. Other members of Team Austin start bopping to his music while they sit at their tables, as does Mindy who traps Dez at his table, and eventually even Cassidy herself. As his performance ends, he lies across the front counter with one elbow holding his head up as he looks at her. The customes and staff applaud as expected.
Cassidy: That was amazing. I can't believe you wrote that for me.
Austin: Thanks. It came from my heart... and my mouth. (Cassidy chuckles at that last part) So what do you say? Will you go out with me.
Cassidy: I'd love to go out with you.
Austin: (spins around triumphantly) YES! Whoo!
Cassidy: But I can't.
Austin: You can't... wait to go out with me.
Cassidy: My band just got a record deal. We're going to L.A. Today's my last day.
Austin: Oh. I'm really happy for you.
Cassidy: Thanks, Blondie. I promise the second I get back we'll have that date.
Cassidy messes up his hair and walks away. Austin hoots triumphantly and sighs as he approaches Trish and Dez.
Austin: Well, we're not going out. Her band's going to L.A. And I may never see her again.
Trish: Then why do you seem so happy?
Austin: Because I know she likes me. And I owe it all to Ally. (Austin moves to her table.) Ally?
Ally: (with her mouth full of pie) More chicken pot pie!
Austin looks at her puzzled as she scarfs down what little pie she has left. Trish turns around and rolls her eyes at her as she turns back.
B-roll, Mall of Miami; then Interior. Melody Diner
Cut to a series of scenes where Austin performs food-oriented versions of his greatest hits. The first of which is a rewrite of "Double Take" for a female customer at the front counter.
Austin: ♫ I'm gonna Make, make, make, a Chocolate Milkshake! ♫ Bam! Whoo!
Cut to a later scene with another customer at a table, where Austin sings a rewrite of "A Billion Hits."
Austin: ♫ Yeah! 'Cuz I know you want ketchup, It's my favorite condiment, A side of fries is what you'll get! ♫
Cut to a later scene, with another customer where Austin performs a rewrite of "Not a Love Song."
Austin: ♫ We ran out of big hot dogs, So I got you just a small one, It's not a foot long, No. It's not a foot long! ♫
Cut to a later scene, with two more customers at a table, where he performs a rewrite of "Can't Do It Without You."
Austin: ♫ There's no way I can get you the cole slaw, Get you the cole slaw, No substitutions. Here's your o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-onion rings,I-I-I-I-I-I'll be right back with drinks... ♫
Cut to a later scene, with the same customers.
Austin: ♫ I talked to my boss, She said you can have Cole Slaw. You can have Cole Slaw, Here's your Cole Slaw! ♫ Bam!


(End Credits shown. End of episode).
Filmmaking & Fear Breaking/Transcript
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