| Freaky Friends & Fan Fiction | |
|---|---|
| Interior. Antique shop. | |
| Trish: | This job is so boring, mom. The only thing older than the antiques we sell are the customers who buy it. You should see this old bat I'm looking at. Not you, I was talking about this old bat! |
| Mr. Gower: | Trish, you've already offended six customers and it's not even lunch yet! |
| Trish: | Oh yeah, about that, can I go on my lunch break now? |
| Mr. Gower: | Sell something or you're fired. You... I'm watching you. |
| Ally: | Hey, Trish. wow, look at all these antiques. It's like a room full of beautiful memories. |
| Austin: | This place smells like my grandfather's dirty old shoes. hey, it's my grandpa's shoes! |
| Trish: | Please tell me you guys are gonna buy something. |
| Dez: | Actually, I just entered a short story contest and i'm looking for a vintage typewriter. I want something like Ernest Hemingway wrote on. |
| Trish: | Ihave just the thing. |
| Dez: | That one's perfect! I'll take it, Trish. i'm sure to win the contest with this. |
| Chuck: | Not so fast, red. |
| Dez: | Chuck. |
| Chuck: | I entered the contest too. |
| Dez: | You're wasting your time, Chuck. I'm gonna win the short story contest. |
| Chuck: | You wish. My story's so short, You can see its feet on its driver's license. |
| Dez: | My story's so short, it's not allowed to go on any carnival rides. |
| Chuck: | my story's so short, when it sits on a dime its feet don't touch the ground. |
| Dez: | My story's so short, that it's, um... that's it's, uh... |
| Chuck: | I think I smell smoke. Must be your brain on overdrive. Save it for the contest. Adios, muchachos. That's right, Trishita bonita, I know spanish. |
| Trish: | So are you gonna buy that old typewriter or not, Dez? |
| Dez: | Let me test it out. "A giant man-eating fish slowly approached." |
| Austin: | That's funny. That big guy's eating sushi. |
| Trish: | Why is that funny? |
| Austin: | Because he's a giant man eating fish. Man-eating fish? Dez just typed that. |
| Dez: | Whoa, maybe the typewriter's magic. |
| Ally: | There's no such thing as a magic typewriter. |
| Dez: | Let's test it out. "A crazy bird came out of nowhere." |
| Ally: | Okay, that was just a coincidence. |
| Austin: | Type something else! |
| Dez: | Uh, "it began to rain hot dogs inside the store." |
| Trish: | You guys see the hot dogs too, right? |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. | |
| Ally: | Okay, there's a logical explanation for all of this. Guys eating sushi go into stores. Cuckoo clocks go off every hour. Hot dogs fall from the sky. Okay, maybe it is a magic typewriter. |
| Trish: | The only thing magic about that typewriter is that I was able to get some sucker to buy it for 50 bucks. Thanks again, Dez. |
| Austin: | I think we should keep testing it out. |
| Dez: | "The typewriter brought those around it great fortune." |
| Lester: | Great fortune, great fortune! I won, Ally! |
| Ally: | What did you win, dad? |
| Lester: | The mall association's store owner of the year award. I want you to present me with the award, honey. |
| Dez: | I'm honored, Mr. Dawson. |
| Lester: | I was talking to my daughter. Oh, this is the second luckiest day of my life, next to the day you were born. |
| Ally: | Aww. |
| Lester: | I'll never forget walking out of that delivery room and finding a $20 bill on the floor. |
| Austin: | I'm starting to think this typewriter really is magic. |
| Trish: | Dez, type something else. |
| Dez: | "Dez ate a giant meat-lover's sub." |
| Lester: | Did somebody order a meat-lover's sub? |
| Trish: | Okay, now i'm starting to believe. |
| Austin: | Type something for me! Ooh, i want to date a cheerleader. |
| Kimmy: | Did somebody order a meat-lover's sub? |
| Dez: | Oops, I accidentally typed over the last thing I wrote. |
| Austin: | That's okay, this one's better. |
| Kimmy: | Give me an "s," give me a "u," give me a "b"! |
| Austin: | I'm Austin. 'Sup? |
| Exterior. Food court. | |
| Trish: | That typewriter's the best thing ever! Thanks for my money tree, Dez. Here, go buy yourself something pretty. |
| Dez: | That was a leaf. |
| Ally: | Thanks for all these books, Dez! There's enough here to last me a whole week. |
| Dez: | You girls might want to step aside. Austin's about to have another dream come true. |
| Austin: | There's five seconds left, the Heat are down by one. Austin Moon steals the ball and does his famous Austin Moon dunk. Yes! |
| Dez: | Oh, yeah! |
| Kimmy: | Give me an "a," give me a "u," give me an "s"... |
| Trish: | Yeah yeah, we get it. |
| Dez: | What do you want me to type next? |
| Austin: | Well, i have a driver's test coming up. |
| Ally: | You want dez to help you pass? |
| Austin: | No, I want a new car when I pass. Something cool... like a fire truck! |
| Chuck: | Is that real money on that tree? |
| Austin: | No. |
| Ally: | What? |
| Trish: | Yeah right. This is a money tree! And a mermaid gave it to me as a reward for finding her runaway unicorn. |
| Chuck: | Why is everyone acting so suspicious? |
| Trish: | What?! |
| Ally: | Suspicious? If anything, we're acting unsuspicious. |
| Chuck: | I hope you're prepared to lose that contest, dez-aster. 'Cause i'm gonna write the coolest story ever. |
| Dez: | Please. My story's so cool, it's gonna host the next winter olympics. |
| Chuck: | My story's so cool, when my air conditioning breaks, I stand next to my story to cool down. |
| Dez: | Yeah? Well, my story's so cool because everything I type on my magic typewriter comes true. |
| Chuck: | Did you just say you have a magic typewriter? |
| Trish: | Yeah right, it's a "magic" typewriter. He bought it from a leprechaun with my money tree. |
| Chuck: | Right. Well, I guess I'll mosey along. I'm going to the gym. That's right. I work out. |
| Dez: | Do you think he knows my typewriter's magic?! |
| Austin: | Well, you pretty much just told him it was. |
| Dez: | I better hide it in a safe place. I'll type myself a giant castle surrounded by a moat and fire-breathing dragons. |
| Ally: | Or you could just put it in the practice room and lock the door. |
| Dez: | Hmmm. Fine. "Dez picked up the typewriter and carried it back to the practice room." Everything I type comes true! It still blows my mind. |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room. | |
| Ally: | Shouldn't you be studying for your driver's test? |
| Austin: | I am. I'm playing "crash city." If i can drive a flaming semi truck over a collapsing bridge, I'm pretty sure I can parallel park. |
| Ally: | Too bad your driving test is on the same day as my dad's award ceremony. I was really hoping you could come. |
| Austin: | When you're done writing your speech, you wanna grab something to eat? |
| Ally: | I can't, I gotta get back to work. It's packed downstairs. |
| Austin: | I can take care of that. "The customers fled in horror when the giant elephant came out of nowhere." |
| Ally: | I wish. |
| Austin: | Probably should have typed something else. |
| Chuck: | I didn't win first place in that burglary contest for nothing. Hee hee hee! |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. | |
| Dez: | Hey, Trish. Uh... I thought you were working at the antique shop today. |
| Trish: | You gave me a money tree. I'm never working again. I bought the antique shop and now Mr. Gower works for me. |
| Mr. Gower: | Finished your shopping, Miss de la Rosa. Here's your smoothie and your diamond tiara. |
| Trish: | Thanks. Here, buy yourself something pretty. |
| Mr. Gower: | Uh, this is a leaf. |
| Dez: | Well, i'm gonna go work on my short story. Uh, what happened to the grand piano? |
| Trish: | A giant elephant crushed it. |
| Dez: | Oh. |
| Trish: | I love gardening. |
| Dez: | My typewriter's gone! Chuck stole it! |
| Trish: | How do you know it was him? |
| Dez: | I found this boot spur on the floor. |
| Trish: | Okay, let's not panic. I'm sure he doesn't know it's a magic typewriter. Okay, he knows. |
| Exterior. Food court. | |
| Dez: | Chuck is making my life miserable. Every time I order a churro it turns into a stick. |
| Ally: | He's messing with us too. Look at our hair! |
| Trish: | It's worse than that. My money tree died and Chuck gave the antique store back to Mr. Gower. He's my boss again! |
| Austin: | I can't dance anymore! I lost all my cool moves. |
| Ally: | Uh-oh. I hope I didn't lose mine. Whew, still got it. |
| Austin: | We have to get that typewriter back! |
| Chuck: | Howdy, partners. |
| Dez: | Give me back my typewriter, chuck! |
| Chuck: | Typewriter? I'm using a computer that fits right on the top of my lap. I'm currently writing the winning short story with superior wordplay. |
| Ally: | "Chuck was pleased by the paranoia displayed by Dez-perado and his purple-haired posse." That is pretty good wordplay. |
| Austin: | We know you stole Dez's typewriter, Chuckles. |
| Chuck: | Do you know the skills it would take to break into a second-story window, steal a typewriter, then descend a 20-foot ladder one-handed while holding said typewriter? While I possess such skills, I didn't do it. |
| Trish: | We found your spur in the practice room and we're prepared to use it.
easy there, trish-alicious. |
| Chuck: | I'm not saying I have the typewriter, but if I did, I'd use it to make all your lives miserable. |
| Austin: | There's nothing you can type that we can't handle. |
| Trish: | I know one thing I can't handle. Taking care of another money tree. Those things are so much work. |
| Chuck: | You're not getting your money tree back. |
| Trish: | Aw, man. |
| Ally: | Let's get out of here. he doesn't have the typewriter with him. |
| Dez: | Listen up, Chuck, I'm gonna make your life worrisome by winning the contest with my wild, witty and wondrous writing. Oh yeah, I'm pretty good at wordplay too. |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. | |
| Austin: | Hey, our hair's back to normal. You think Chuck is done messing with us? |
| Trish: | He's probably just tricking us into a false sense of security before he does something really horrible. |
| Ally: | What is the worst thing he could do to us? |
| Austin/Dez: | Whoa, I feel weird. What just happened? |
| Trish/Ally: | You're always weird, you doof. What else is new? |
| Dez/Austin: | Ally, why is Trish's voice coming out of your body? |
| Ally/Trish: | Austin, why is Dez's voice coming out of your body? |
| Dez/Austin: | Uh, 'cause i'm Dez! I'm trapped in Austin's body! |
| Trish/Ally: | And i'm Trish! We're all trapped in each other's bodies! |
| Austin/Dez: | Chuck made us switch bodies? |
| All: | (screams) |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. | |
| Ally/Trish: | I can't believe Chuck used the magic typewriter to switch our bodies. |
| Trish/Ally: | I say we string the little twerp up by his boots and beat him like a pinata! |
| Austin/Dez: | Ally, what's gotten into you? Oh right, Trish has gotten into you. |
| Dez/Austin: | We need to switch back. I can't live in Austin's body! Okay, maybe I can. I'm Austin. 'Sup. They call me the love whisperer. |
| Austin/Dez: | He's not Austin Moon. I'm Austin Moon. ♪ Don't look down down down down ♪ ♪ Don't look down... ♪ Okay, i'm not used to being in this body. |
| Ally/Trish: | Maybe next time you should sing "I fall down down down down." am I right? |
| Trish/Ally: | Yeah, i'm not gonna high five you for that. |
| Ally/Trish: | I can't even get a high five from myself. Am I right? |
| Lester: | Hey, honey. figured out what you're gonna say at my award ceremony yet? |
| Ally/Trish: | Yeah, I wrote a really great speech, dad. |
| Lester: | Did you just call me dad? |
| Trish/Ally: | She's just messing around. You know Trish... smart, sassy, always making jokes. |
| Lester: | Why are your voices like that? Austin, what's going on with the girls? |
| Austin/Dez: | It's kinda hard to explain. |
| Lester: | I was talking to Austin. |
| Austin/Dez: | I am Austin. |
| Dez/Austin: | I'm Dez! |
| Ally/Trish: | Dad, we can explain. |
| Trish/Ally: | Guess who's trapped in Ally's body? |
| Ally/Trish: | Chuck stole Dez's magic typewriter and made us all switch bodies. |
| Lester: | Oh, a magic typewriter? It makes so much sense. and I thought I was losing my mind. |
| Trish: | I know it's hard to understand, but... wait a sec. I'm Trish again! Oh. |
| Austin: | Hey, that's great. I'm Austin again! |
| Ally/Dez: | I'm just so glad everything's back to normal. I love you, dad. |
| Lester: | (screams) |
| Ally/Dez: | Dad, come back! |
| Dez/Ally: | Bye, Mr. Dawson! You know, I'm not entirely sure everything is back to normal. |
| Austin: | We've gotta get that typewriter back before Chuck makes this any worse. |
| Dez: | How can it get any worse than switching bodies? Oh hey, my voice is back! Wahoo! |
| Exterior. Food court. | |
| Dez: | Chuck, we've come to get the typewriter back. |
| Chuck: | Take one more step and I'll turn you into a cactus. |
| Trish: | Give us back the typewriter or I'm gonna make you regret it. |
| Chuck: | You'd never do anything to me. You find me... irresistible. |
| Trish: | Irresistible? I find you extremely... adorable. |
| Ally: | What are you talking about, Trish? He's a thief...who stole my heart. |
| Austin: | I can't believe he's using the typewriter to get girls to like him! |
| Dez: | Yeah! I can't believe I didn't think of that. |
| Trish: | You're so cute, kittens look at pictures of you on the internet. |
| Ally: | You're so cute, instead of calling babies "cutie-pies" they call 'em "chuckie-pies." |
| Trish: | Back off, Ally. He's mine. |
| Ally: | No, he's mine! |
| Chuck: | Ladies, ladies. There's enough chuckie-pie to go around. Everyone gets a slice. |
| Austin: | Give it up, Chuck...I just said upchuck. |
| Chuck: | I'll stop after one condition. Dez apologizes. |
| Dez: | For what? |
| Chuck: | For stealing my look. Cowboy wasn't my first choice. Wacky pants and silly shirts used to be my thing. See? |
| Dez: | So you're saying that if I just apologize, you'll stop messing with us, we can go back to living our normal lives? |
| Chuck: | Yup. all you gotta do is say two simple words. "I'm sorry." |
| Dez: | Well then, I guess I'm sorry... that I'm never ever gonna apologize to you! |
| Austin: | Dez! |
| Dez: | Sorry, Austin. It's a matter of principle. I can't apologize to him. I don't care if he does turn me into a cactus... or a goldfish... or Ally's dad wearing a chicken outfit... or one of those dinosaurs with the... |
| Austin: | Dez, stop giving him ideas! |
| Chuck: | You had your chance, Red.It's about to get uglier for you and your friends. |
| Ally: | You are so cute when you're threatening us. Boop! |
| Dez: | Leave my friends out of it! Ally has to give a speech for her Dad, Austin has a driver's test... believe me, they have enough to worry about. |
| Austin: | Dez, seriously, stop talking. |
| Dez: | He's not gonna do anything, 'cause we're gonna stop him first! |
| Chuck: | "Chuck disappears!" |
| Trish: | Ohhh. |
| Austin: | Oh oh! |
| Trish: | Did he really just leave the typewriter? |
| Chuck: | I meant... "Chuck disappears with the typewriter." |
| Ally: | Oh, come on! |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. | |
| Mr. Gower: | Although he's never bought anything from any of the other stores in the mall, Lester Dawson represents... |
| Dez: | There's no sign of chuck anywhere. |
| Trish: | Hurry up and give your speech before anything happens. |
| Mr. Gower: | With no further ado, Lester Dawson's daughter. |
| Ally: | Hello, everybody. I'm Ally Dawson. I'm Abraham Lincoln, aren't I? |
| Interior. Car. | |
| Driving instructor: | Let's begin. |
| Austin: | Got it. I'll just put my hands at the 10 and two position. |
| Driving instructor: | Mr. Moon! Are you aware that you have hooves where your hands should be? |
| Austin: | I can still drive. Nothing's gonna stop me from getting my driver's license. Uh, can you start the car for me? |
| Interior. Sonic Boom. | |
| Ally/Abraham Lincoln: | Four score and seven years ago, give or take a few scores, my father opened Sonic Boom... |
| Trish: | You've gotta stop this! Go apologize to Chuck now. |
| Dez: | Fne. I guess it's the only way to make this stop. |
| Mr. Gower: | Everybody run! |
| Austin: | Huh. I guess it is kinda hard to drive with hooves. |
| Lester: | My store! |
| Ally: | It'll be okay, dad. |
| Dez: | The typewriter! |
| Chuck: | I'm still gonna win that short story contest. |
| Dez: | Don't think so! Chuck, your story's about to get a lot shorter. |
| Chuck: | Man, you shrunk me! This isn't over! |
| Trish: | Now you're kind of adorable. |
| Chuck: | I knew you'd come around. |
| Dez: | "And so our hero Dez saved the day. A whole bunch of cheerleaders thanked him by showering him with hugs and meat-lover's sandwiches." |
| Interior. Marino High School. | |
| Dez: | "And so Dez and the other cheerleaders lived happily ever after. the end." |
| Ally: | That was an interesting story. |
| Trish: | The whole magic typewriter and the money tree? I wish. |
| Austin: | It was a good story, but a little unreal. I mean I wouldn't need a magic typewriter to get a cheerleader. I'm austin. 'Sup. |
| Kimmy: | I have a boyfriend. |
| Chuck: | Let's go, darlin'. It could've been you, Trishy-poo. |
| Exterior. Food court. | |
| Dez: | And that's how i won first place in the short story writing contest. and next week, I'm gonna win the cake baking contest. |
| Chuck: | Not so fast, red. I'm gonna win 'cause I bake the sweetest cakes. |
| Dez: | Please. My cake's so sweet, you get a cavity just by looking at it. |
| Chuck: | Yeah? My cake's so sweet, my grandma wants to squeeze its cheeks every time she sees it. |
| Dez: | My cake's so sweet, instead of having a "sweet 16" party, girls have a "my cake 16" party. |
| Chuck: | Well, my cake is so sweet, instead of having "sweet 16" parties, girls have..."my... my cakes-sw... 16" parties... You already said that. |
| Dez: | Ha! Sweet, sweet victory. Or should I say "my cake, my cake" victory? |
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