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Real Life & Reel Life
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally is working behind the sales counter at Sonic Boom. Trish and Dez walk through the front door, Dez has a camera bag around his shoulder and is wearing his director's beret and Trish enters like she just got another new job, and Dez imitates the same pose.
Trish: Guess who just had the best Team Austin & Ally meeting
Ally: Umm, weren't you forgetting something? (she points to her partner then herself)
Trish: No, we have snacks.
Austin: So what did you guys talk about?
Dez: Just the greatest idea of all time!
Trish: We're gonna make our very own Austin & Ally movie!
Dez: The record label thinks it'll be great publicity for your career, and it could be my big break as a director.
Trish: We're gonna make a rocumentary. You know, like that Katy Perry movie.
Austin: That movie's awesome! (clears throat) Or at least that's what I heard a girl say while I was at the theater watching... manly action movie.
Dez: Oh, did you see the manly action movie after we saw the Katy Perry movie?
Austin: Dez!
Trish: Well, the Austin & Ally movie will be even better. We're gonna recreate the biggest moments of your career.
Dez: When you met. When you first got signed. When you were told you were going to be in a rocumentary. When... Wait. I should be filming this right now. (takes his camcorder out of his bag and runs over to Ally) Ally, how do you feel about this?
Ally: (stammering) Umm, well, I...
Dez: Cut! (pfft!) Amateur.
Trish: It's not too late to cast me in Ally role. (does Ally's goofy dance)
Ally: (sarcastically) It's like looking in a mirror.
Austin: Hey, if we're recasting, I want Ryan Gosling to play me.
Trish: No. You guys are both playing yourselves. But not your old boring selves. (Austin & Ally look at each other, a little disturbed by that remark) We're going to combine different movie styles.
Dez: This rocumentary's gonna have the excitement of a thriller, the laughs of a comedy, and the blood and guts of a horror film.
Austin: We should do a scene like an action movie.
Dez: Perfect.
Trish: Ooh, and one like a musical.
Dez: Love it.
Ally: Ooh, and one as a historical drama set in 17th century France.
Dez: Yeah, we're not doing that one.
Theme Song
Interior. Sonic Boom
Team Austin is preparing to film the first meeting from Rockers & Writers when Ally first encounterd Austin playing the drums. The pop star and songwriter are even dressed in the same outfits.
Dez: Austin, this is the scene where you first meet Ally.
Trish: This is the most important moment in your career. Because without her, you're just a wasted talent. A wannabe. A nobody....
Austin: (interrupting) Got it.
Dez: (Austin and Dez enter from back of store) Okay, places. We're losing sunlight, people. And action! (Austin starts playing drums with corn dogs)
Ally: (Ally walks over to Austin and whistles) Excuse me. Do you not see the "Please do not play the drums" sign?
Austin: It's OK, I'm an awesome drummer! (Austin holds up a corn dog in each hand and continues to play drums)
Ally: (Stops Austin) Okay, what you just said has nothing to do with what I just said. (Austin does a rimshot) Are those corn dogs?
Austin: (chuckles) No. (suddenly dramatic) They're weapons in a well-trained hand. Look out! Ninjas! (A pair of Ninjas are spotted on the balcony. They jump towards the counter.)
Ally: (light gasp) They must be here to steal my songbook.
The ninjas try to grab Ally's songbook, but Austin fights them off, kicking one of them into the counter. He bites one of the corn dogs, spits out the piece he bit off, and throws it at the other ninja which explodes on impact, knocking him out the front door. Austin rips his clothes off to reveal a tuxedo.
Austin: The name is Moon. Austin Moon. (punches a Ninja who emerges behind the counter, then gives her the songbook) I believe this belongs to you.
Ally: Thanks. And don't touch my book.
Dez zooms in on Ally's face in a ridiculously dramatic closeup.
Dez: And, cut!
Austin: That was awesome. (Austin shakes hands with the ninjas, who walk out of the store as if nothing happened)
Ally: I realize you want to make our lives more exciting, but are you sure this is believable?
Dez: You're right. We need more explosions. I'll add in special effects later.
Austin: So, what scene are you shooting next?
Dez: Well, after you guys became (mock affectionately) partners, (back to normal) the next big moment in your career was Austin's first webcast.
Trish: Actually, I wrote a scene that comes before that. Something that highlights the importance of my role in the Austin & Ally story. Because without me, you'd both be wasted talents. Wannabes. Nobodies....
Austin & Ally: (interrupting) Okay, we get it.
Interior. Ally's Practice Room
Dez approaches Ally and Trish who are both dressed ridiculously formal. Ally is in a fancy red dress with dark red lipstick, a diamond necklace, her hair puffed up and curled to the right side of her head drooping in front of her shoulder. Trish is wearing a purple dress with diamond trim, a diamond headband pushing the rest of her hair behind her, diamond lined earrings, and evidently no makeup.
Dez: (Walks through the door) Alright Ally, Trish wrote the scene as a soap opera, so I need you to amp up the drama. Trish, you just be yourself. Okay, Camera... (Austin runs to the soundboard) lights, music,... and action.
The camera zooms in on the two girls which contains a white-tinted lens. Standard organ music plays
Trish: Ally, did you finish the song for Austin's first webcast? (dramatic organ sting)
Ally: Patricia. You weren't supposed to be back from the gala 'till (turns to camera dramatically) this evening.
Trish: It ended early. My evil twin Francesca woke from her coma and drove her car into my stepfather's mansion.

(dramatic organ sting)

Ally: (turns to camera dramatically) Again?
Dez runs around the two girls to get another camera angle.
Trish: What happened to the grand piano Austin gave you? It's... (dramatic gasp) missing! (pretends to faint on a chair)
Ally fans Trish with one hand, while Austin reminds her to read from the homemade cue card.
Ally: Oh, I sent it back. I can't be Austin's partner. I can no longer bear the thought of writing songs for him. (dramatic organ sting)
Ally is surprised at one of the lines, and Austin is equally stunned. Trish gets up from her "fainting spell."
Trish: But you two make such beautiful music together. You write. (turns to the camera provocatively) He rocks.
Ally: (reading from cue card) I know. It's just, I'm having... second thoughts. CUT! Do we really need this scene? (Dez groans)
Austin: Wait, did that actually happen? (reads Ally's lines) You wanted to end our partnership?
Ally: Oh, no. Trish just wanted to create drama for her soap opera.
Trish: No, everything in this scene happened for real. Well, except for the part about my evil twin Francesca, but the rest, pretty much.
Austin: Wow, I didn't know you didn't want to be my partner. Why not?
Ally: Well, it looked like you had stolen my song, you embarrassed me on live TV, and honestly, I thought you'd be a one-hit wonder.
Austin: One-hit wonder?!
Ally: I said, "wonder." As in wonderful.
Austin: I can't believe it.
Ally: Oh, come on. We were so different. Of course I had doubts about being your partner.
Austin: Man, Ally. I thought you believed in me. But now I know you had no faith in me at all. (storms out the door)
Dez: Now, that's how you do a soap opera.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Team Austin is still standing between the stairs to the balcony, and the sales counter. Ally and Trish are still in the outfits they wore in the soap opera segment.
Ally: Austin, you're being ridiculous. All this happened a long time ago. You've got to get over it.
Dez: Yeah, buddy. I know you're upset. But we've got a big musical number coming up. So put a smile on your face, slap some twinkle in your toes, and put some jazz in your hands. (does typical jazz hands motions)
Austin: (sighs) Fine. (does his own jazz hands motion, but not as enthusiastically)
Dez: Close. It's more like this; (goes back to jazz hands again, as the "Lost His Voice Song" begins)
The scene changes to an undetermined stage where camera pans from a Big "A" sign in lights hanging from the roof, to Austin sitting in a chair, with the rest of Team Austin behind him, dressed in 1920's-style costumes. The song is a 1920's jazzy Broadway retelling of incidents in Successes & Setbacks, reminiscent of the 1975 play and 2002 movie "Chicago." Trish, starts off singing the song, and Ally and Dez join in. All three are enthusiastic during the number, especially Trish, who tickles his head and bends him over to sign the imaginary contract at key points in the song. When Austin's time to sing comes in, he's far from enthusiastic, and sings the song flatly.
Dez: Cut, cut, cut, cut. Austin, that was terrible! What part of "jazz hands" do you not understand? The jazz part, or the hands part?
Ally: Are you really gonna be mad at me in every scene we shoot?
Austin: No, I'll let it go.
Dez: Good. The next scene we're doing is when Ally overcomes her stage fright at Jimmy Starr's Halloween Party.
Austin: But she was wearing a mask. It's not like she overcame her stage fright for real.
Trish: (slightly sarcastic) That's the spirit.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin and Trish are dressed as pirates on an obviously fake 17th Century sailing ship with cardboard waves in front of the floor. Trish is at the big ship's wheel. Standard sea-faring music plays in the background.
Dez: And music, aaaand, Action!
Trish: Captain Moon! The enemy's fleet's at starboard!
Austin: Ye'll never take me ship! Fire!
Fake cannons are shot off from the ship. Dez thinks everything's going to go smoothly for a change. Austin reaches behind the ship to lift Ally, who's also dressed like a pirate. He drags her to the plank.
Austin: This song be called "Don't Look Down." It was written by me partner Ally Dawson. (back to normal voice) Or did you not want to be my partner at this point? I can't tell.
Dez: (groan) Stick to the script.
Ally: (in a fake British accent, sounding a lot like Felicity Kendal) Austin, it's me, Ally. Taylor Swift got hurt, and I'm pretending to be her.
Austin: (back to pirate/cockney accent) What about your stagefright?
Ally: That's why I'm hiding behind this eyepatch. (she pulls it up)
Trish: Aye! Great disguise!
Austin: So, Arrrr ye ready to sing?
Ally: Actually, I'm a little nervous. What should I do?
Austin: Jump! (Dez is momentarily disturbed by his abrupt line)
Ally: (nervous chuckle) You mean like, jump into the performance and don't think about it?
Austin: (back to normal voice) No, jump off the plank into the water. I think there are sharks down there.
Dez: Cut! Cut! Cut! (with quiet disappointment) Cut.
Interior. The halls at Marino High School
Austin, Ally, and Dez are dressed like high school football players. Trish is dressed like a coach, although she also has a pair of goalposts sticking out of her headband. Dez not only uses a standard camera on a tripod, but an additional camera in his football.
Trish: You won the division! You won finals! We're this close to getting Austin to play at Times Square on New Year's Eve!
Dez: (faking a deep "Valley-Boy" voice) But coach, our star quarterback tore his ACL in the third quarter. And we're down 3000 miles from New York.
Austin: Cut! Do we really think me playing at Times Square works as a sports movie?
Dez: (runs to Austin, and points to his football-cam) Yes, keep going.
Trish: (Trish grabs him by the shirt collar) I don't wanna hear excuses! (view briefly changes to football-cam) You can't win if you don't play! Now get out there and give me 110%! (Dez jogs out of view)
Ally: It's mathematically impossible to give more than 100%. (Trish grabs her by the shirt collar) But I'll do my best, coach.
Austin: Guys, this whole scene just seems a little forced.
Dez: CUT! What's "forced" about it?
Austin: Me and Ally being on the same team. Clearly, she's not sure she wants to play football with me.
Ally: Austin, come on!
Dez: Yeah, if you don't let this thing go between you and Ally, we're never gonna finish this film.
Austin: Sorry. I wish it didn't bother me so much, but I can't get over the fact that she kept such a big secret from me.
Dez: What's the big deal? You kept a bigger secret from her.
Trish: You did?
Ally: What secret did you keep from me?
Dez: Oh, uh, that he feeds his vegetables to his dog under his table.
Ally: He doesn't have a dog.
Dez: He kept that from you too? When will the secrets end?!
Trish: Dez, knock it off. Spill it, Austin.
Austin: Okay, after you got over your stage fright and your career was taking off I met with another songwriter.
Ally: What?! Why would you do that?
Austin: Because you were busy, and I needed a song.
Dez starts filming the argument with his football-cam.
Ally: I can't believe you, Austin. You were mad at me, and you had a secret this whole time.
Austin: It's no big deal. I just wanted to make sure I had a songwriter when I needed one.
Ally: How can you say it's no big deal. I just had a little doubt. You were thinking of replacing me.
Trish: Yeah, Austin. You were only worried about yourself. It's all about you. You know, not everyone's that self-centered. (suddenly becomes excited as she turns to the football-cam's view) Dez, did you get this on film? I'm gonna look great in this movie.
Trish and Dez leave the scene. Austin and Ally do the same a few seconds later, but in separate directions.
Exterior. Mall of Miami; Food Court
Dez runs towards a table in front of Mini's where Austin, Trish, and Ally are sitting. He hands them copies of his script.
Dez: Good morning, actors! Nothing like a good night's sleep to help you forget all the reasons why you're mad at someone.
Ally: I haven't forgotten. I'm still mad at him for meeting with another songwriter.
Austin: And I'm still mad at her for not wanting to be my partner!
Dez: Hm... So, what I'm hearing is, you both didn't get enough sleep.
Trish: You guys better snap out of this. I promised Jimmy Starr a rockumentary, not a you-guys-are-both-acting-like-spoiled-brats-umentary.
Dez: Yeah, how am I gonna fit that on the poster?
Trish: Let's just rehearse. We're gonna read through the next scene, then shoot it.
Dez: (starts reading from the screenplay) "Fade in. Ally's charity event is about to be a total bust when Austin rushes in to save the day. Ally hurries over with gratitude in her eyes." (whispers) And, action, Ally...
Ally: (reading from her script in monotone) "Thank you for saving me, Austin. Thank you, thank you, thank you." (glares at Austin) Do we really need dialogue here? Sometimes a look says all the words for you.
Austin and Ally exchange dirty looks.
Dez: Yeah, that look says a lot of words I can't put in the movie. It's a family film.
Trish: Since you guys clearly can't get your acts together, we're going to have to take extreme measures. (Trish and Dez high-five each other)
Interior. Ally's Practice Room
Dez and Trish are dressed like Austin & Ally.
Trish: (imitates Ally) I love love!
Dez: (imitates Austin) 'Sup.
Ally: No one's gonna believe you're us.
Trish: People believe anything in movies. You think cars actually talk?
Dez: My mom's car does. It even gives her directions to places. (imitates a female GPS device) Turn-left-at two-hundred-feeeet.
Austin: What scene are you gonna do?
Dez: We're gonna shoot the scene where you guys have one day to write a song.
Austin: You mean for the Helen show?
Dez: No.
Ally: You mean for Austin's first performance in the mall?
Dez: No.
Austin: You mean for the Hot Summer Jam contest?
Dez: No.
Ally: You mean for the time when we--
Dez: (interrupting) --Man, there are a lot of times you guys only have one day to write a song.
Trish: Yeah. When this movie is over, we really need to work on your time management.
Dez: Okay, can we shoot this thing? (runs to his camera) And action.
Trish: (imitates Ally) Hey Austin.
Dez: (imitates Austin) Hey Ally. We only have 24 hours to write a song, or the evil Dr. Starr will destroy the earth.
Trish: (imitates Ally) This looks like a job for "Rocker-Boy and Writer-Girl!"
Trish and Dez both rip their Austin & Ally costumes off to reveal superhero uniforms complete with an "A" belt-buckle on Trish, and an "A" chest logo for Dez. Background music is reminiscent of the 1966-1968 ABC TV version of "Batman".
Trish: (imitates Ally) What do you think of this chord? (Trish plays one chord on an electronic keyboard)
Dez: (imitates Austin) I hate it. (Dez plays one of his own, as the caption "KA-BLAM!" appears on the screen in front of the viewer).
Trish: (imitates Ally) Well, what's your brilliant idea?
Dez: (imitates Austin) I've got this great lyric; Boom. (Like in the previous scene, the word "BOOM!" appears on the screen in front of the viewer).
Trish: (imitates Ally) Holy rotten song lyric, Rocker-Boy. That stinks! (Trish steps on Dez's foot and the caption "KAPOW!" appears on the screen in front of the viewer).
Dez: (imitates Austin) We've got nothing. The earth... is doomed.
Trish: (imitates Ally) To the song-mobile!
Trish and Dez both run towards the camera, which spins at the end.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Team Austin is watching the results of the "Batman" segment on a laptop.
Austin: That's awful.
Dez: I know. It's hard watching you guys fight, huh?
Austin: No, it's awful watching you guys pretend to be us us.
Trish: Yeah, well I think it's awful watching you two act this way. I'm going to say something to you two that I hear from all my bosses; "QUIT SLEEPING ON THE JOB! YOU'RE BEING UNPROFESSIONAL! (Austin & Ally seem puzzled) Only the second part applies to you.
Ally: Fine. I can be professional. I don't know about him.
Austin: I can be more professional than she can. (somewhat childish) So there.
Ally: Very mature. I think you just proved that I'm professional than you.
Austin tries to respond, but Ally interrupts him before he gets the chance.
Ally: And I got the last word. LALALALALALA (covers her ears and run out of Sonic Boom)
Austin: You can't say lalala forever! But I can! LALALALALA (chases after her)
Dez: I have a strange feeling they're not going to be professional. I'm really worried about this movie.
Trish: I'm really worried about Austin & Ally. They've never been this mad at each other before. What if they never make up?
Dez: Then our movie's gonna have a really sad ending.
Trish: Okay, we need to come up with a plan to remind them why they're partners and friends to begin with.
Dez: (puts two fingers to his forehead, and suddenly gets an idea) I got it. We should shoot the scene where Austin helps Ally overcome her stage fright.
Trish: Yeah. There's no way they can sing that duet and still be mad at each other.
Camera pans to entrance from Sonic Boom, where Ally runs past, still trying to prove she can say "LALALALALALALA," longer than Austin, who is right behind her doing the same thing.
Interior. Sonic Boom; Later that night.
Trish: (approaching the pop-star and songwriter) Okay, guys. You ready?
Ally is dressed like Bella Swan from the "Twilight" series. She has a dark blue sweater with the hood down, her hair in a single ponytail, and little if any makeup. Ross's hair is greased up, his shirt is open, and he is actually wearing more makeup than her, since he's dressed like a vampire.
Trish: Okay, we're shooting this scene in the style of a teen vampire movie. And don't forget; This is one of the happiest moments in the Austin & Ally story. This should be really easy for you to get through.
Ally: I'm not worried about it.
Austin: I'm more not worried about it.
Trish: Okay, that's almost what we're looking for. Let's shoot this, Dez.
Dez: Austin, you're a vampire. And all you wanna do is protect her. (points to Ally, then approaches her) And you're not a vampire. But you wanna be one. But sometimes you wanna be a werewolf! (a pause) But forget that. You're into the vampire. Aaaand, Action!
Ally: (Twirling a lock of her hair) Austin, I don't know if I can perform. There are so many... people. Will you be there to protect me.
Austin: Always. And I mean like always always. Because I'm a vampire. and I live forever. (he hisses at her, showing his fangs, then leaves the table as Ally continues to twirl her hair and bite her lip.)
The pop star and songwiter both perform their duet of "You Can Come To Me." However this time there's a genuine sense that neither of them believe the lyrics to the song they're singing anymore... at least at first. Eventually, they start to warm up to each other once again, and both Trish and Dez notice this right away. Austin puts his guitar down at the end of the song.
Ally: I did it. I conquered my stagefright.
Austin: I always knew you could do it.
Ally: I feel like I can do anything.
Austin: I know I can do anything. Just as long as I'm with you.
The pop star and songwiter start to kiss passionatley. Dez obstructs our view of the kiss as he continues to shoot the scene.
Dez: Perfect! We got it! Cut! (Austin and Ally still kissing. Dez looks back at Trish who chuckles silently and triumphantly.) I said cut! (Austin and Ally still kissing) Okay, you can stop kissing now.
Trish: Well, I guess our plan worked. They don't seem mad at each other anymore.
Dez: They don't, do they? (Dez walks away)
Austin: (Both stop kissing) A-A-Ally I'm so sorry I met with another songwriter. I knew your career was taking off and I'd thought you'd leave me.
Ally: Aww Austin, I'll always be here for you. I'm sorry I ever doubted our partnership. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Austin: So we're good?
Ally: (Nods) Yeah.
Trish: (clears her throat). Sorry to interrupt your moment, but what the heck was the kiss all about?
Ally: (Both Stammer) Uh... It's called acting?
Dez: Yeah, that was a lot more than just (Mimicks Ally) Uhh, acting.
Austin: I told you we can be professional. It was for the movie, man.
Ally: Yeah, just for the movie, man. (Stammers again) You're a really good actor Austin.
Austin: You too, Ally. Huh huh huh. Well, bye.
Ally: See Yah. (Both run off in opposite directions)
Dez: I don't know Trish. We shot dozens of scenes already. Trust me. Neither one of them is that good of an actor.
The scene changes to a typical black and white silent movie depicting one of the events from "Kangaroos & Chaos" called "Dez vs. The Kangaroo." Dez is dressed as Charlie Chaplin's famous "Li'l Tramp." Another caption appears on the screen reading "Our Villain!" Trish hops through the door of Ally's practice room in a kangaroo costume with the "Face-Puncher's" jacket, doing her usual pose. A caption reading "Guess who got a job as a Kangaroo" appears on the screen. Dez twitches his mustache and grabs his umbrella. Another caption appears on the screen that says. "Austin's jacket! Give it!" Trish taunts him with it like a bullfighter. Dez and Trish yank the jacket back and forth until it flies out of their hands and lands in the bucket of caramel, with a white paper sign reading "Caramel" written in thin magic marker. The word "Caramel!" appears in another caption. Trish pretends to be surprised. Dez pulls the jacket out of the bucket and give Trish the kangaroo a dirty look. Trish shrugs her shoulders feigning innocence. The camera pans back to Dez who stares at the viewer twitching his mustache in anger as the camera begins to fade to black, zooming in on him before being replaced by another caption reading "The End!"
(End of episode).


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