Secrets & Songbooks
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally: (Talking to customer) Excuse me, sir. (chuckle) We have a strict store policy that only store employees can take instruments off the display. We don't want anything to break. (Ally grabs a violin to show the customer, and the entire shelf of violins crashes to the ground. Without turning around, Ally knows what happened and is a bit embarrassed by it) Here you go.
Dez: (Blowing a sad but comical sting trombone while standing behind a drumset) I've been waiting all day for something bad to happen so I could do that.
Austin: Something bad happened this morning when put on that shirt. (plays a quick guitar sting)
Dez: Zinger-sting! Sweet!
Austin & Dez: What-up!
Trish: (Walks into Sonic Boom with an excessive amount of rouge, mascara, and lipstick)
Guess who got a job at the...
Dez: (interrupting) The clown store? (Rimshot)
Trish: No, at the make-up kiosk. They pay in us free samples. And really? You're making clown jokes dressed like that?
Dez: Everyone, stop picking on my shirt.
Trish: I'm talking about your shoes.
Dez: Oh. (Walks to the counter to reveal he's literally wearing clown shoes)
Trish: Anyway, I have an announcement... (Austin interrupts her)
Austin: Hold on. (Starts a drumroll, which Trish interrupts by grabbing his drumsticks and throwing them out the door, almost hitting some mall patrons walking by.)
Trish: I just booked you a gig on TV!
Austin: (jumps up and hugs Trish) Thanks! You're the best manager ever!
Ally: On what show?
Trish: Oh, only Miami's hippest show, South Beach Sound.
Dez: Awesome!
Ally: Ah!
Austin: Sweet!
Ally: (walks towards Austin) Austin, this is huge! South Beach Sound is a big deal! Do you know how many stars got their break on that show?
Austin: No. How many?
Ally: I don't know! (starts laughing) When I get excited, I ask a lot of questions. Why do I do that? (Austin opens his mouth) Uh, don't answer.
Trish: Anyhow. They're coming to film Austin at the mall tomorrow; I told them you would write a new song!
Austin: Tomorrow? That's not enough time.
Trish: Hey, if I can get fired from three jobs in one day, I'm pretty sure you can write one song. Lazy!
Ally: We can write a song; luckily I have some new ideas in my book, no worries. (can't find her book) Oh no! Uh, my book is gone! Worries, worries!
Austin: Okay, calm down. It's just a book.
Ally: It is not just a book! It is my diary and journal and songwriting book all rolled into one. I write all my personal stuff in there; if anyone else reads it, I will die!
Dez: (Plays an oddly happy piece on the piano) Oops, sorry. I meant: (plays a minor and gloomy arrangement of minor chords)
Theme Song
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally: (Runs in through the back door) Where's my book?! Where's my book?! Where's my book?! Trish, can you get off the piano bench so I can see if my book is in there?
Trish: Yeah, sure. (Trish is thrown off the bench by Ally)
Ally: Ah, it's not in there! (heads to the tuba)
Austin: I'm pretty sure there's nothing in the tuba.
Ally: (finds a sandwich in it) What kind of disgusting person puts food in a tuba?
Dez: Aww, my sandwich! I lost this a month ago. (takes a bite out of it)
Austin: Dude, that's just wrong. At least share! (bites into the other side of the sandwich)
Nelson: (drags in his own piano) Hello, Ally. I'm here for my piano lesson.
Ally: Eh, now is not a good time, Nelson. And I've told you before: you don't need to bring your own piano.
Nelson: Oh, I forgot.
Ally: Besides, your piano lesson is tomorrow. Today's your oboe lesson.
Nelson: Aww, nartz! You know how hard it was to get this on the bus? I'll be back. (starts to push the piano out)
Ally: Uh, you guys look for my book here while Trish and I check the Lost & Found. I have to find it before someone reads it! Some of the things I wrote in there are super personal and embarrassing!
Austin: Like how you have an imaginary friend named Ms. Pennyworth you talk to when you're stressed?
Ally: How do you know about Ms. Pennyworth? I've only ever told one person that secret.
Trish: ...Well, obviously, Ms. Pennyworth has been blabbing about you all over town.
Interior. Lost & Found
Trish: Found it!
Ally: My book?
Trish: No, my Lost & Found t-shirt from when I worked here at the Lost & Found. Man, I hated this job. All those sad, desperate people, searching for stuff that you'll never see for as long as they live! (sees Ally's dejected look) I mean, we're totally going to find your book!
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin: (Dez sniffs the drums, the piano keys, and is about to sniff a violin bow) What are you doing?
Dez: Using my super human sense of smell to find Ally's book. (sniffs the bow)
Austin: You have a super human sense of smell? What food am I thinking of?
Dez: (sniffs Austin's head) Cherry pie. (Austin gives him a look) A la mode.
Austin: Wow. (they head up into the practice room; Dez immediately begins sniffing)
Dez: (makes his way to the fridge; opens it) Found it! (starts to take out gingerbread house)
Austin: Wow. Your nose is amazing.
Dez: No, I didn't smell the book; I just remembered that I used it as a roof for my gingerbread house.
Austin: (picks up the songbook) Why do you have a gingerbread house?
Dez: What? You want my gingerbread men to live out on the street?
Austin: (picks up one of the gingerbread men) No, I want him to live in my belly (rubs his belly; bites the head)
Dez: Carlos! (snatches the body back; puts the body back and glares at Austin)
Austin: C'mon, let's go find Ally.
Dez: (closes the fridge) You know, it's a good thing that we found the book and not some stranger who would see the embarrassing and personal stuff she wrote in her book.
Austin: (puts the book on the cart) Totally. It's gotta be pretty juicy stuff too, or she wouldn't be so worried about someone reading it. (they start to walk out; they pause, and walk back it) It's gonna be pretty juicy stuff.
Dez: So juicy.
Austin: What do you think?
Dez: It's not like Ally ever told us not to touch her book.
A brief montage is shown in which five times, Ally tells Austin, Dez, or both of them not to touch her book.
Dez: Okay, what if we didn't open the book but it accidentally got dropped on the floor and opened itself?
Austin: There you go!(Dez lifts the book up to drop it; it drops without opening itself) Okay, what if it got stuck to the ceiling with something sticky like jelly, and we could see the pages from down here?
Dez: Yes!
Austin: Aww, that's crazy. What are we going to do: go all the way to the store to get jelly? By the time we get back-
Dez: What do you need? I've got grape, strawberry, boysenberry, I got some jam. I got a bunch of marmalade, some chutney-
Austin: This is ridiculous.
Dez: You're right. We should just read it.
Austin: No! I meant we shouldn't be reading her book at all!
Dez: (reading the book) I can't stop now; this is some good stuff. It's all about some guy she has a crush on. (Austin's eyebrows raise; he looks down and reads the book too)
Austin: No, it's me. Ally's got a crush on me.
Dez: Shhh, don't spoil it; I'm a slow reader. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Whoa! Ally's got a crush on you.
Austin: I can't believe Ally has a crush on me.
Dez: I can't believe I ate all that jelly.
Austin: Ally's awesome, but I just don't feel that way about her. We're two different people. She likes pickles, I like pancakes. She likes reading books, I like having fun. I'm cool and collected, and she chews her hair when she gets nervous!
Interior. Food Court
Trish: (Ally's chewing her hair) You want some guacamole with that?
Ally: Oh, um, sorry, it's probably not very appetizing to watch.
Trish: Ooh, I have an idea! Why don't we re-trace your steps from today, and maybe we'll figure out where you left your book.
Ally: Okay! Uh, I got here early so I wrote in my book on the bench next to the cell phone accessory cart. Then I went to work, and on my break, I took a walk past the cell phone accessory cart. Then I went-
Trish: Wait, why do you keep talking about the cell phone accessory cart?
Ally: Um, I'm not! I didn't! Why, did the cute guy who works there ask about me?
Trish: No way! You have a crush on the cell phone accessory cart guy! That's what you wrote in your book, isn't it?
Ally: Whaaaaat? The cell phone guy? That's crazy, uh, why would I- Holy unlimited texting, he is so cute!
Interior. Practice Room
Dez: You never know, she might not have been writing about you.
Interior. Food Court
Ally: I mean, look at him. His kind eyes, hair that flops just the right way.
Interior. Practice Room
Austin: Kind eyes, hair that flops just the right way; that's so me! (flops his hair and dramatically blinks)
Dez: We work so close to each other.
Interior. Food Court
Ally: And yet we're so far apart. And he smells like a fresh summer breeze!
Interior. Practice Room
Austin: Like a fresh summer breeze. (Dez lifts Austin's arm up and sniffs it)
Dez: Oh yeah, that's summery and breezy.
Austin: And what is cooler than a guy named after a city in Texas?
Dez: You're right; that's obviously you, Austin.
Interior. Food Court
Ally: And his name is Dallas. Be cool, here he comes. (leans back in her chair as Dallas walks by)
Dallas: Excuse me.
Ally: (Trish forces her to stand up) Oh, so you like throwing trash away? (starts awkwardly laughing)
Dallas: Uh, yeah, I guess.
Ally: No way, me too! (takes the entire tray of food and throws it away)
Dallas: Oh, okay. (walks away)
Trish: I wasn't done with that. (Ally sits back down and starts chewing her hair)
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin: (he and Dez are walking down the stairs) What am I going to do? I don't want things to be all weird between me and-
Dez: Ally! (Ally and Trish walk in)
Trish: And Trish! I'm short, not invisible.
Ally: No way, you found my book!
Austin: Yeah, it was in the refri-
Ally: (pulls him down into a hug) Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you. (Austin is a little creeped out as she lets him up) I am so relieved. Let's go work on that new song for South Beach Sound. (she and Austin head up the stairs)
Interior. Practice Room
Austin: Okay, let's get to work. I think we should- (Ally shuts the door) Why'd you shut the door?
Ally: Because we always shut the door when we write a song; it's more private.
Austin: Maybe we should change that. What do we have to hide? (opens the door) We're writing a song up here with the door open! Wide open...
Ally: (gives him a funny look) Uh, we should write something totally different for you to play on South Beach Sound. What about a love song?
Austin: What about a like song?
Ally: Come on, I've already got a bunch of it figured out. (plays a chord on the piano) ♫ Love, love, love.♫
Austin: ♫ Like, like♫(says this one in a flat tone) Like.
Ally: ♫ It's a special kind of feeling.♫
Austin: ♫ But not always so appealing.♫
Ally: ♫ All you want is to get close.♫
Austin: ♫ But too close is kinda gross.♫
Ally: ♫ Gotta go for what you want. ♫
Austin: (says the words really fast) ♫ But just keeping things on a friendly level is also a good option if you want things to stay the same. ♫ (hits another piano chord and stands up)
Ally: Uh, you're acting weird. Are-are you okay?
Austin: Yeah, I'm fine. Just not feeling this love song.
Ally: Austin, I am really feeling this one. I think we're close enough that I can tell you who this song is really about.
Austin: (clapping his hands over his ears and running out of the room)If I don't hear it, it's not true! If I don't hear it, it's not true! If I don't hear it, it's not true! If I don't hear it, it's not true!
Interior. Mall of Miami
Ally: I've never seen Austin act so crazy. He ran out before we could finish our new song.
Trish: I wonder if he's nervous about playing on South Beach Sound.
Dez: (overhears them; looks up) Nervous? Austin never gets nervous, especially about performing.
Ally: Then why is he acting so weird around me?
Dez: (says it nervously) Oh, it's because he's nervous! Austin always gets nervous, especially about performing!
Ally: Dez...
Dez: I don't know anything, why are you grilling me? Can't a guy put a new roof on his gingerbread house in peace?
Trish: Ally, I think Dez has something he needs to get off his chest.
Ally: Dez, make this easy for yourself. You know I can't control Trish; tell us what you know!
Dez: You can hurt me all you want, I'll never tell. I'll never tell!
Trish: Oh, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt your family. Your gingerbread family. (picks up a gingerbread man)
Dez: Benjamin! (he lunges for Benjamin; Ally holds him back)
Trish: We can do this the easy way, or the Trish way.
Dez: I can't betray Austin. (Trish bites Benjamin's arm off) No! You monster.
Ally: Dez. You can end all this senseless suffering right now. Tell us!
Dez: Never!
Trish: I wonder what Benjamin would look like without a head.
Dez: Austin read Ally's song book and knows she has a crush on him!
Trish & Ally: What?
Dez: There. Now you know everything. (Ally picks her songbook up; Trish bites Benjamin's head) What are you doing? I said I told you everything!
Trish: I know, but Benjamin's really tasty. (sees Ally walk away) Where are you going?
Ally: To find Austin and confront him about reading my book.
Trish: No. There's a better way to deal with this. A little thing I like to call revenge. And we need your book to do it. (takes Ally's book)
Ally: I love it. (takes her book back) Don't touch my book.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Nelson: (walks in with a hobo; Ally turns around and sees this) Hey Ally, I'm here for my hobo lesson.
Ally: Uh, Nelson, it's an oboe lesson. Not a hobo lesson.
Nelson: Aw nartz! You know how hard it was to get him on the bus? (points to the hobo) Come on, Uncle Hank. (they leave just as Trish arrives)
Trish: Austin's coming! Lipstick! (throws lipstick to Ally; she puts it on)
Ally picks up a doll resembling Austin; kisses doll's face and says Austin's name a few times.
Austin: (slightly disturbed) Ally? What are you doing? Is that doll supposed to be me?
Ally: (in a faux-affectionate tone) Oh. Austin. Hi. Yes, it is. I was just practicing what I would do if you got bit by a rattlesnake... On the lips. It could happen, oh.
Austin: Good to know. So, you wanna work on our new song now? Here, where everyone can see us?
Ally: Uh, I can't right now. I'm busy.
Trish: What private thoughts are you writing in your book of secrets, Ally?
Ally: I'm just making a list of turn-offs. Things I don't like in a guy. Things that, if a guy did, I would definitely not be interested in him at all.
Trish: Cool. Wanna go to the Food Court and not come back for at least twenty minutes?
Ally: Sure. I'll just leave my book right here.
The two girls leave the store, and just as they expected Austin picks up the book.
Devil Austin: (materializes on Austin's right shoulder) Read it! It's staring right at you.
Angel Austin: (materializes on Austin's left shoulder) Don't read it. It's her private book.
Devil Austin: Read it! Then you'll know how to get Ally to not like you any more.
Angel Austin: Don't read it.
Devil Trish: (materializes next to Angel Austin) Guess who just got a job as your new conscience?
Angel Austin: Hey, that's my job.
Devil Trish: Not anymore. (pushes Angel Austin down; he screams and falls to his doom) Listen to the other guy. Read the book.
Devil Austin & Devil Trish: (continue to repeat themselves) Read it! Read it! (Austin finally opens the book)
Austin: Turn-offs. Guys with fake tans. Guys who sweat a lot.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin: (walks in with a fake tan and sweat stains) Hey, Ally. How do I look?
Ally: Orange.
Austin: I know right. Brings out the color in my eyes.
Ally: Ew, I hate fake tans.
Austin: Really? I did not know that. (shows off his sweat stains)
Ally: Uh, almost as much as I hate sweaty guys.
Austin: Also did not know that.
Dez: (walks in) Whoa, you look different!
Austin: Yeah. Cause I'm orange, and I'm sweaty.
Dez: No, that's not it.
Austin: That's exactly it. I'm trying to make Ally not have a crush on me, and it's working! She hates fake tans and sweaty guys!
Dez: Really wanna sweat? Try one of these volcano peppers. They are crazy hot. They only grow in molten lava.
Austin: Oh, perfect. Thanks.
Dez: The key is to take one little-(Austin bites and eats it all at once)-bite.
Austin: Uh! Uh! (looks for water; even steals a man's empty water bottle)
Trish: Austin! Good, you're here. South Beach Sound wants to do the interview with you right now.
Austin: What? I thought that was tomorrow.
Trish: They moved it to today. You look like a wet pumpkin.
Austin: I can't go on live TV like this.
Host: We're here on live TV with Austin Moon! Tell us about your new song.
Austin: Hot. Hot.
Host: Oh, I bet it is hot. What's it called?
Austin: Water! Water!
Host: Water! Water! Catchy, catchy.
Austin: Dez! Drink! Now!
Dez: Wasn't really thirsty now, but okay. (drinks some water)
Host: Are you nervous about being on live TV? You're kind of sweating a little.
Austin: Am I? Didn't notice.
Host: So, tell us about your music.
Austin: It's really, really fun, you know,... pepper's really hot!
Host: Okay, Austin, I have one last question for you. Why'd you read Ally's book?
Austin: Huh?
Ally: Y'know, my private book that I told you a million times not to touch. Why'd ya read it?
Austin: I-wait-is this the-
Ally: Fake interview to make you look stupid as punishment for reading my book? Yeah, that's exactly what it is!
Ally & Trish: (they high-five) Woo!
Trish: The camera crew was my idea. I'm really good at revenge. If there was a revenge store, I'd never get fired!
Austin: So that isn't the crew from South Beach Sound?
Ally: No, and I don't have a crush on you.
Austin: Oh, that's a relief. I thought I'd have to stay orange forever. Hey Dez, towel.
Dez: I'm not really sweaty, but okay. (wipes his sleeve-clad armpits with a towel)
Austin: Listen. I know I shouldn't have read your book. It was wrong, and I'm sorry.
Ally: I accept your apology. Um, but you know, uh, there's still one thing that bothers me. Why did you freak out so much when you thought I had a crush on you? Am I that horrible?
Austin: No, Ally, you got it all wrong. You're awesome! I did that stuff because you're my friend, and I don't want to jeopardize that.
Ally: I feel the same way. (Austin tries to hug her; she pushes him back) Let's hug when you're less orange and sweaty!
Austin: I'm just glad I didn't make a fool of myself on live TV.
Ally: Yeah. Trish wanted to put this whole thing on the Mall Jumbo-Tron, but I wouldn't let her.
Austin: Wow. She really is good at revenge.
Ally: The best! But you know I wouldn't embarrass you like that! Public humiliation is my worst nightmare. (it is revealed that Trish did, in fact, put the whole thing on the Mall Jumbo-Tron) That's why I freaked out about my book. I mean, I would die if anyone found out I have a crush on the cell phone accessory guy. (Trish runs up to Ally and whispers something) What? The Jumbo-Tron? I thought we weren't doing that! (she starts chewing her hair and slowly lowers herself)
Interior. Mall of Miami
Announcer: What's up, all of Miami? We are live on South Beach Sound with the one and only, Austin Moon!
Austin: This song was written by my good friend, Ally Dawson. It's called, Not a Love Song. (performs a shortened version of Not a Love Song)
During Austin's performance, Dallas approaches Ally with surprisingly no awkwardness. Austin ends the song pointing at his keyboard player, apparently to congratulate him for a job well done.
(End credits show, End of Episode)
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