Songwriting & Starfish
Exterior. Mall of Miami; Nighttime
Nighttime in front of "Scoop, There It Is!," an ice cream shop at the mall. Dez emerges from the store, and a Miami Police Officer shines a flashlight in his face.
Officer: Little early for ice cream, isn't it?
Dez: (Shrieks) What are you doing here, Officer?
Officer: Somebody triggered the silent alarm.
Dez: Really? I didn't hear anything.
Officer: What's with your face?
Dez: Well, some people say I have my mom's eyes and my dad's nose, but I see more of my Great Aunt Ruth. She is a handsome woman!
Officer: I'm talking about the starfish.
Dez: Oh. I have a starfish on my face.
Austin and Trish leave the store and are stopped by the cop as well. Austin is covered in sand and Trish is wearing leopard-pattern pajamas and has curlers in her hair. The cop shines his flashlight at them as well.
Officer: Freeze, ice cream stealers!
Trish: What's going on?
Dez: He's busting us for breaking into the ice cream.
Trish: Officer, this is a misunderstanding. I work here.
Officer: No, you don't. You served me a latte today at the coffee kiosk.
Trish: Yeah, I get fired a lot.
Officer: I can see why. That was the worst latte I've had in my life. Why are you in pajamas, and why is he (gesturing to Austin) covered in sand?
Austin: Officer, I know this looks bad, but I swear, we're not robbing the ice cream store.
Ally emerges from the ice cream shop in a black ski mask with a spoon in one hand and a big tub of ice cream in the other.
Ally: Score! I can't believe we pulled this off. (pulls her ski mask off, and realizes this looks bad for Team Austin) Uh-oh.
Officer: Alright, kids, come on. Let's take a little ride downtown.
Austin: But we can't. I'm performing at the Miami Beach Bash today.
Officer: The Miami Beach Bash? Well, why didn't you say something? I'll let you off right now.
Austin, Ally,
Trish, and Dez:
Officer: No! Let's go!
Theme Song
Exterior. B-rolls of Miami at night, then random Miami Police Precinct, and finally the interior of that precinct. Later shots of his desk indicate that his surname is "Dunphy."
Ally: I swear we weren't committing a crime, Officer. We were trying to finish a song for Austin to perform at the beach bash.
Austin: Yeah. FM 109 is having a Hot Summer Jam contest. If I win, I get to hear my song on the radio. (Dances around, carelessly)
Officer: Kid, you just got sand all in my latte. (He drinks it, and gags) That's still better than the one she (gestures to Trish) made me yesterday.
Trish is about to defend herself, but nods in agreement.
Ally: Anyway, the song's the whole reason we were in the ice cream shop.
Officer Dunphy: So you expect me to believe that you were in a ski mask, you're (gesturing to Austin) covered in sand, you're (gesturing to Trish) in pajamas, and you (gesturing to Dez) have a starfish on your face, all because of a song?
Austin: I know it sounds crazy, but it's all part of our songwriting process. It's a long story.
Officer Dunphy: (Excited) Ooh, a story! Hmm, I love a story! (plays drums on his desk with his pencils, and chuckles) Tell me everything.
Ally's flashback begins
Ally: (Narrating) I was trying to come up with something for the beach bash, and I finally got an idea.
Interior. Sonic Boom; Daytime
Ally walks in with her hands over he ears trying to block out all other noises, while scatting a tune in her head. Trish is trailing behind her.
Ally: Dah-Dah-Dah-ti-Dah-ta-Dah! Nobody talk to me! I've got a melody stuck in my head, and I don't want to lose it.
Trish: Nobody talk to me either. No reason, I just don't feel like talking to either of you.
Still trying to hold onto the melody in her head, Ally approaches the nearest piano, which has a young Afro-American girl roughly between the ages of eight and eleven sitting in front of it.
Ally: Excuse me, can I borrow the piano for a second?
As Ally sits down to try to play, the girl bangs on the piano keys herself playing loudly and poorly, and scares her into thinking she's going to lose it.
Ally: Aahhh! I'm going to lose the melody. (tries singing it again)
Dez: Here, let me help you. Did it sound like this? (scats his own variation of the tune)
Austin: Dez, stop. You're not helping. Did it sound like this? (scats his own tune which is further away from what she wanted)
Ally: Neither of you are helping.
Trish: Hey, when did you guys get cowbells? (picks one up and starts ringing it)
Ally gets too irritated by the lack of help from her team, and runs up into the practice room, scatting the same tune. Austin follows her upstairs, since she has his career on the line.
Interior: Ally's Practice Room.
Ally sits down in front of her piano, and plays the tune in her head, finally pleased that she brought it to life.
Ally: Aaaah! That's it. That's the melody. Now let's put some chords behind it. (She does. Austin seems impressed, and when she's done, she sighs) So, what do you think?
Austin: It's a good song, Ally. It's just,... you wrote it in a minor key. It's so sad. (starts playing the piano himself, and pretends to be on the verge of tears) ♫Sad, sad, sad.♫ It should be in a major key -- Upbeat and happy. (starts off an upbeat version of Ally's tune," and decides to add one word as dummy lyrics) ♫Fun fun fun, f-fun.
Ally: (as Austin continues to play) Oh.
Austin: Fun fun fun, f-fun.
Ally: Oh, I like that. (Ally perks the chords up a little more)
Austin: Now this could be a hot summer jam!
Ally: Oh yeah! That is jammin'. Huh. A jam on it! Uh, jammy-jam-jam! Jam-and-cheese sandwich! (sees Austin's not laughing along) One too many?
Austin: All too many. (Ally returns to the piano) Now we just need to think of some sweet lyrics about how awesome the beach is.
Ally: Let me give it a shot;(resumes playing the piano)
Sand in my eyes,
Sun burning my thighs,
Waves crash on pile of trash,
We're at the beach, hooray.♫
Austin: Ally, those lyrics are a total bummer.
Ally: I said "hooray." (sighs) I'm sorry Austin. I've just always had bad experiences at the beach.
Austin: You know who else is gonna have a bad experience at the beach? Me. We're not going to win that Hot Summer Jam contest, because we don't have a song.
Back to present; Exterior: Police station, daytime, then interior .
Officer Dunphy: (Frustrated grunt) Your story's just not adding up. You said you were in the ice cream shop to write a song, and now you're saying you didn't have any lyrics? No. You kids aren't going anywhere. Get comfortable.
Trish: (lounging on a chair behind a file cabinet) Waaaaay ahead of ya.
Dez: Excuse me, officer, but aren't we allowed to call someone?
Officer Dunphy: You get one phone call. Make it count.
Ally: (Triumphantly) Yes!
Dez: Oh, I will. (approaches the phone and picks it up) Hi, Mom? I just called to say I love you. (laughs) Goodbye.
Dez hangs up. Ally and Trish gasp over Dez's phone call.
Trish: You just wasted our one phone call!
Dez: Woah! It is never a waste to tell someone you love them!
Officer Dunphy: Okay, I'm gonna go see if your jail cells are ready.
Ally: What?
Austin: Officer wait. Let us finish the story. It get's better. Ally got in a fight.
Officer Dunphy: Ooh, a fight. (chuckles) Grab some napkins, because this is getting juicy. Who'd ya fight?
Ally: A beach chair.
Officer Dunphy: (chuckles) Don't tell me, the beach chair won.
Ally: What? Of course not. Uh, look at these guns.
As Ally tries to flex her "guns" Officer Dunphy, realizes they have no "ammo." Ally grabs her forearms imitating gunfire in a futile attempt to impress him, eventually giving up.
Flashback resumes, along Miami Beach. This time Trish narrates.
Trish: (narrating) We knew Ally only wrote bad lyrics 'cause she never had a good time at the beach. So, we though we'd show her how to have fun there.
As Trish narrates, the rest of Team Austin set up their towels, umbrellas and other items on the beach. Trish is struggling to push an ice cream cart through the sand.
Trish: (no longer narrating) Ugh! This is so not fun!
Austin: Trish. (pointing at Ally with his thumb, behind his hand)
Trish: Oh, right. I love pushing a heavy cart through the sand in the hot sun for minimum wage. Hooray, beach! (Austin gives her a stern look) I said "hooray."
Ally: Guys, I appreciate what you're doing, but maybe I'm just not a beach person. I mean, you see the sun, I see sunburn. You see ocean, I see "place where sharks live."
Austin: You're focused on the wrong things. There's so much cool stuff here. Look, people rocking their shades, kids smiling and tanning, Dez with a starfish on his face.
Dez: (trotting from shore) You guys, the water is amazing.
Austin: Dez, you've got a little something on your --
Dez: (patting the wrong cheek where a smaller invertebrate is stuck to him) Oh, thanks.
Austin: No, you've got a starfish on your face.
Dez: (grabs the other cheek, and finds it) Oh, man! It's gonna hurt when I pull it off.
Trish: Ooh, I'll do it.
Austin: I got it. I'll do it quick on three. One,...
Before he even finishes counting, Austin rips it off Dez's cheek, naturally causing him to scream, and grab his cheek in an attempt to hold back the pain.
Austin: ... Two, Three.
Dez: I'm gonna keep him. We've been to a lot together.
Dez walks away behind them, and caresses the starfish with his finger as if it were a pet.
Ally: You know what, Austin, You're right. There is some cool stuff we can use in the lyrics. "Smiling and Tanning, Rocking the Shades," I'm gonna write that down. (Ally turns around to pick up her songbook, only to find the pages covered in a big wad of melted bubble gum) Ugh. Oh no. This gum melted and got all over my songbook.
Dez: Oh no. The songbook closed and got all over my gum.
Ally: (scoffs) You see? Bad things happen at the beach.
Trish: Relax, I can fix it. (she tries to take Ally's songbook, but Ally pulls it away) May I please touch your book just this once? (Ally does, and Trish walks over to the ice cream cart and puts it in the freezer)
Ally: (nervously) What are you doing?
Trish: There, the gum will freeze and then we can scrape it off.
Ally: Just don't accidentally give it to someone when you sell them ice cream.
Trish: Oh, that's adorable. You actually think I'm going to work. (tears off the bottom, then top half of her uniform to reveal a one-piece bikini and swimming trunks. From there, she goes into the pose she usually goes into when she gets a new job) Guess who's ready to tan.
Austin: I'm with Trish. Let's catch some rays while we think of more lyrics. (to Dez) Yo, Dez, toss me the sunblock. (he does, and Austin sprays it on. Meanwhile Ally grabs a beach chair from behind, and seems to have some trouble with it)
Ally: Okay, so we're chilling. (she tries to unfold her chair, which is stuck) I'll just sit back, and relax and...(still having trouble with the chair) why does this chair hate me?
Austin: Here, let me help you.
Both Austin and Ally have equal amount of trouble unfolding her beach chair. In the process of trying to help one another they both yank the chair back and forth, until they break apart. Austin rolls backwards near a tent and suddenly notices the sand from the beach is stuck to him for some strange reason.
Austin: Why is this sand so sticky?
Dez: (checks out his can of "sunblock") Oh. Yeah, this isn't sunblock. It's glue. (laughs)
Austin: What? Why'd you bring glue to the beach?
Dez: How else are you supposed to stay up on a surfboard?
Dez shows Austin that his left foot is stuck to the surfboard he planned to catch some waves with. Just then Ally approaches the rest of the team tangled in her beach chair.
Ally: (hobbling towards her friends) Um, guys, a little help?
Everybody laughs at her as she hobbles along, including the other members of Team Austin. This flashback ends and we're returned to the police station.
Officer Dunphy: (laughing at the team) Okay, that explains how you got the lyrics, and why he's covered in sand. But why does this fool still have a starfish on his face if you ripped the other one off? (Dez is about to answer but the cop interrupts him) Wait, don't tell me you got another one stuck to your face.
Dez: No, I'm not an idiot. I got the same starfish stuck to my face.
Officer Dunphy: But I still don't understand how you guys all ended up in the ice cream shop.
Austin: Well, we had the verses, but we couldn't figure out a cool chorus.
Ally: So we had to pull an all-nighter to finish the song.
Flashback resumes; Interior: Ally's Practice Room; Late night
Austin & Ally are sitting in front of Ally's piano, both of whom clearly need sleep... Ally needing it more than Austin.
Ally: Okay, okay. What about this? (starts playing the piano) ♫Summer at the beach,
Rockin' shades,
Bed, pillow, tired,...
♫ (her face falls on the piano)
Austin: (yells over her head) Ally!
Ally: (she snaps up) Did we finish the song?
Austin: No, but you slobbered all over the keys. Why are we having such a hard time coming up with lyrics for the chorus?
Ally: Maybe I have some old ideas in my songbook. (she gets up and runs behind the piano towards her purse, which she rummages through only to find it's not there. However she knows full-well where it is) Oh, no! I left my book in Trish's ice cream cart! I'm calling her.
Austin: (as Ally dials up her cell-phone) Are you kidding? It's 4:00 A.M. Trish is asleep.
Ally: Austin, please. Trish is my best friend. She'll understand.
Cut to the scene in front of the ice cream shop Trish is wearing her aforementioned pajamas, and has her hair in curlers. The girls panicked, and clearly needs some more sleep.
Trish: I don't understand! It's 4 A.M.! Why would you do this to me?!
Ally: I'm sorry Trish, but my book is in your cart. We need your keys to get inside to finish the song.
Trish: (Tries to find her keys, but realizes...) Oh, no. I forgot my keys.
Ally: Trish, but my book!
Austin is about to fall asleep on the door of the ice cream shop, but accidentally opens it, to everybody's surprise.
Austin: It's unlocked.
Trish: Oh, yeah. I keep it unlocked because I always forget my keys. (Trish enters the ice cream shop and Austin & Ally follow her)
Interior: Freezer at "Scoop, There It is!"
Austin, Trish, and Ally walk into the freezer, and the door closes. The two girls find it hard to keep warm. Ally notices a strange sign.
Ally: "No hugging the ice cream"? Do they really need a sign for that?
Trish: You'd be surprised at how often it happens.
Austin: (hugging a cardboard tub of ice cream) I love you, ice cream.
Trish: Austin! (tried to pull him away)
Austin: Sorry. Let's just grab your book and get out of here.
Austin tries to open the freezer door, but it gets jammed. He pulls harder on the handle and yanks it out of the door.
Austin: Um, guys. I think the door handle broke.
Ally: What?
Trish: Oh, no!
All three rush to the door and try to push it open with all their might, but it's no use.
Trish: We're trapped in here.
Austin: This is all my fault.
Ally: No, it's not. You didn't do it on purpose.
Austin: No, when I was five, I made a birthday wish that I'd be locked in a freezer full of ice cream. I should've wished for a pony.
Ally: What are we gonna do? It's freezing in here.
Austin: And the beach bash is in a few hours, and we haven't even finished our song. (suddenly gets an idea) I'll call Dez.
Ally: Yeah.
Interior; Dez's bedroom, nighttime.
Dez is sleeping soundly until his phone wakes him up. Fumbling to find it, he thinks he has picked it up. (NOTE: All phone scenes will switch between Dez's room for his scenes and the ice cream freezer for scenes with the rest of Team Austin.)
Dez: Hello? (the phone is still ringing) Aw, man! Why did I leave my starfish next to my starfish phone again? (finally picks up the right starfish) Hello?
Austin: Dez, we're in the ice cream shop, locked in the freezer.
Dez: Austin? Austin, it's a bad connection. Did you say you're at a mice dream swamp and your clock is a sneezer?
Austin: What? No. Come to the ice cream shop. We need you to save us.
Dez: I have to come to the ice cream shop and shave Gus? (he grabs an electric razor for dogs) I'm on my way. (hangs up the phone and leaps out of bed)
Austin: Dez? Dez? (Hangs up) Well, I think he's on his way, but he might be stopping somewhere to shave some guy named "Gus."
Later, the freezer gets filled with more condensation.
Ally: I hope Dez gets here soon, I'm freezing.
Trish: Oh, here. Put on this ski mask.
Ally: Why do you have a ski mask in here?
Trish: So I don't freeze my face off when I sneak in here to take naps. (scoffs)
Austin: Man, I'm starting to get hungry, but all that's in here is ice cream. (suddenly gets another idea) Wait, all that's in here is ice cream! (Austin grabs two ice cream scoops and opens the first tub of ice cream he sees, promptly digging in with both scoops and putting both servings in his mouth) Mmm. Chocolate chip. (He opens another tub, and digs at that with both scoops.) Mmm, Cookie dough (He opens a third tub and scoops that one in his mouth too.) Fruity-Mint Swirl.
Ally: (removing her ski mask) Fruity-Mint Swirl? That was my favorite ice cream when I was a little girl. (she instantly starts digging in herself, and savoring the taste of it)
Trish: Guys, we can't have ice cream for breakfast... (deliberately pauses) .. without toppings.
Trish gives everybody whipped cream, and assorted candy toppings for their ice cream. She later grabs the cookie dough ice cream for herself as she and Ally switch places.
Ally: Fruity-mint swirl reminds me of this one time I was walking on the beach with my dad. We were walking on the boardwalk eating this ice cream.
Austin: Wait. Are you having a good memory about the beach?
Ally: (surprised at herself) Mmm, I guess I am.
Trish: I'm having a good memory, too. Remember that time, right now, when I was ignoring your story and eating this ice cream? (chuckles) Good times, good times.
Ally: Anyway, while we were eating the ice cream, we heard this cool song on the radio. The band was playing in town that night, so my Dad took me down to see the show. We had the best time ever.
Austin: (chuckles) Hey, maybe there's something in that memory we can use for the chorus.
Ally: Yeah; "Heard It on the Radio, Coming down to see the show."
Austin: That's perfect! ♫I Heard it On the Radio,
mimics guitar noises)
Coming down to see your show
Ally: (shrieks happily) We have a song for the beach bash!
Austin & Ally: WHOO-HOO!
Trish: We're still stuck in the freezer.
Austin & Ally: Awww.
But not for long, because Dez has just arrived and opens the door.
Dez: Hey, guys.
Austin, Ally & Trish: WHOO-HOO!
Dez: I'm sorry I didn't get here quicker. (he briefly steps out of view and pulls in a bearded man in a janitor's uniform) It's taking twice as long as I thought to shave Gus the janitor (turns his face to expose half of Gus's beard shaved) Smooth like half a baby's bottom.
End of final flashback; Return to police precinct interior.
Austin: And that's why we were in the ice cream shop.
Trish: Do you believe our story now, Officer?
Officer Dunphy: You know what? I do.
Ally: (Triumphantly) Yes!
Austin: So are you gonna let us go?
Officer Dunphy: No.
Austin, Ally,
Trish, and Dez:
Officer Dunphy: Well, you just admitted to breaking into the ice cream shop, and stealing "fruity-mint swirl." Forget about the beach bash. You kids aren't going anywhere.
The cop mimicks a whine as he gestures for the team to sit back down. All four whine simultaneously and do so regardless of his gestures.
Austin: I can't believe we're going to miss the beach bash, after all we went though writing that song.
Dez: That song will still be the hot summer jam, even if I have to sing it to all the men, women and children in Miami. ♫I heard it on the radio. Coming down to see your show, Ba-da-bah-bah, heard it on the radi... ♫ (Trish rips the starfish off of his face causing him to scream)
Officer Dunphy: Thank you. I thought I was gonna have to pepper-spray him.
Trish: Awww. You still can.
Officer Dunphy: Ahh. (considers her offer, but...) No, I shouldn't.
The cop begins impulsively drumming on his desk with his pencils, almost in a professional manner, a fact that Ally quickly notices.
Ally: Austin, check it out.
Austin starts paying attention, as do the rest of Team Austin. The officer's drum roll becomes more excitable as he finally ends it pretending to crash a pair of cymbals. The kids cheer.
Officer Dunphy: Sorry, I get.. I get carried away. (he tries to resume writing the police report)
Austin: That's okay. You're good.
Officer Dunphy: I don't know if I'm good - Really? You think I'm good? 'Cause when I was a kid I always wanted to be in a band, but my Dad said I had like, a bazillion-and-one chance of making it in the music biz, so... (snaps his fingers) so I quit.
Austin: (sighs) It's too bad I'm not playing at the beach bash, or I'd ask you to sit in with my band.
Ally: Uh, yeah. You two could totally be jamming on stage together in two hours, but (imitating a buzzer) We're stuck in here.
Officer Dunphy: Really? Because I have some drumsticks back... (suddenly recognizes he's being bamboozled) Wait a sec; I know what it is you're trying to do. You think I'm gonna let you outta here and go to the beach bash, just so I can play drums and finally prove my Dad wrong? (chuckles over the absurdity of their scheme, but then...)
Cut to Exterior. Miami Beach: Officer Dunphy is at the drums with his sleeves ripped, his shirt opened and his tie used as a bandana. He's laughing triumphantly (almost demonically) as he seems to be looking up to heaven.
Officer Dunphy: In your face, Dad! I'm drumming!
The officer instantly does a drum roll on stage and crashes some cymbals. The audience at the beach applauds as the camera pans from the stage to a sand dune, where Austin is standing
Austin: What's up, Miami! (applause and cheers from beachgoers) This is a new song my partner Ally and I wrote, called "Heard It On the Radio." Hope everyone likes it. Hit it officer!
Austin moves from the sand dune to the stage as he performs a version of "Heard It on the Radio" that leaves the second verse out for television time, which Dez shoots with his video camera. After the bridge, he dives backwards into the audience as stagehands posing as fans let him body surf momentarily while carrying him onto the beach He ends his performance by climbing the stairs of a lifeguard's tower and posing on the deck. Naturally, the audience applauds.
Exterior. Miami Beach; After the concert.
Team Austin and Officer Dunphy are on stage. The officer is still psyched over performing. Austin is standing between him and Ally, Trish and Dez, who are unusually close to one another.
Officer Dunphy: Thanks for letting me play with you, Austin. That was AWESOME! (Looks up to heaven, again) Told ya, Dad! UNNH!
Ally: (chuckles) So are we free to go, officer? (Ally, Trish, and Dez lift their arms up to remind him that they're still handcuffed to one another)
Officer Dunphy: (handing Ally his handcuff keys) Yeah. (Ally bleats happily) I spoke to the owner of the ice cream shop and he said that since Ally left money for the ice cream, he's not pressing charges.
Austin: (as Trish unlocks Dez's cuffs) Wow. You being a goody-goody finally paid off.
Ally: Honesty is its own reward.
Dez: She just doesn't stop.
Trish: Hey, don't give Ally all the credit. We probably got off because my boss loves me.
Officer Dunphy: Actually, he wanted me to tell you, that you're fired. (takes his keys back)
Trish: What? But we didn't break in!
Officer Dunphy: It wasn't for that. It was for leaving the shop unlocked, (Trish nods in agreement) napping in the freezer, (She nods again) charging customers for free samples, (nods again) scooping ice cream with her hand, scooping ice cream with someone else's hands,...
Trish: (interrupting) Okay, I get it. I'm fired. On a totally unrelated note, are you guys hiring down at the station?
Officer Dunphy: How are you at paperwork?
Trish: Mmm, See, I really don't do anything with the word "work" in it.
Officer Dunphy: Hmm. Can you start Monday?
Trish: Mmm, I also don't work on days that end with "Y."
Officer Dunphy: Hmm. (Trish and the officer walk off stage together)
Exterior; B-Roll of Miami Beach; then of Team Austin's spot.
Austin's new hit song blares from the background of Miami Beach, then from a boom box from the 1980's with disco lights. The camera pans from that boom box to the team in front of it.
Miami Mack: (V.O.) That was Austin Moon, with "Heard It on the Radio," The winner of F.M. 109's Hot Summer Jam contest.
The team applauds over Austin's success. He turns the radio off.
Austin: I can't believe it. Our first song on the radio. I've always dreamed of this day.
Ally: This is awesome. I think now I know what was missing all those times I didn't have fun on the beach.
Trish: We know, we know. Your good friends.
Ally: No. My best friend. (Trish seems flattered because she thinks Ally's taking about her, but she reached behind herself to reveal a tub of her favorite ice cream, which causes her to become momentarily offended) I love you, fruity-mint swirl.
Dez: I am so psyched you got a song on the radio. Group hug!
Austin, Trish, and Ally lean in for the aforementioned hug. However, Austin notices something wrong with it.
Austin: Um, Dez?
Dez: Yeah!
Austin: You weren't just putting on sunblock, were you?
Dez: Yeah, why?
Trish: It wasn't sunblock! It was glue!
All four members of Team Austin struggle to break free from Dez's group hug, and fall right on their backs.
(End credits show, End of Episode)
World Records & Work Wreckers/Transcript
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Soups & Stars/Transcript

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