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Tickets & Trashbags/Transcript

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Tickets & Trashbags
Interior. Sonic Boom
Nelson: (plays an incorrect version of a piano piece) How was that?
Ally: Well, you got all of the notes! Just not in the right order or in the right key.
Nelson: Thanks! (high-fives Ally)
Austin and Dez barge in through the back door.
Austin: Ally, Nelson, quick! We need you out of the piano. (they back away)
Dez: Put your hands in the air, and back away from the baby grand. (sets watermelon on piano while Austin holds a bat)
Ally: Guys, what did I tell you about bringing food in the... (Austin hits the bar of the piano; the watermelon hits Nelson and Ally) -ugh store!
Dez: (high-fives Austin) Yes!
Austin: Awesome! That was way better than smashing peanuts on my laptop. (Opens his laptop to expose it covered in peanut butter from keyboard to screen)
Ally: Alright Nelson, uh, lesson's over. You can go wash up.
Nelson: I'm Melon Man! (exits the store)
Trish: (enters store) Guess who got a job at...Megaphone World?
Dez: Who?
Trish: And, more importantly, guess who got an exciting piece of mail for...Mister Austin Moon?
Ally: What's it say? What's it say?
Austin: I've been selected to take part in a study on...male pattern baldness?
Trish: Sorry, wrong letter.
Dez: I never knew you were bald. Killer toupee. (attempts to pull Austin's hair off)
Austin: Dude!
Trish: Here you go.
Austin: Whoa! I've been invited to the Miami Internet Music Awards! The rapper Shiny Money wants me to perform with him!
Trish: I convinced him to sample your song Double Take in his new rap.
Ally: Look at you, Trish; Manager of the Year!
Trish: It was easy; all I had to do was stand outside his house doing this until he agreed to watch Austin and his video. (presses button on bullhorn; police siren noise is made)
Dez: Ugh, I hate that sound!
Trish: Oh, well in that case, (continuously blares siren noise directly at him)
Ally: I can't believe one of my songs is going to be on an award show!
Dez: I can't believe Austin's singing with Shiny Money. He's my favorite. I hope he'll sign my picture of him I keep in my wallet. (Dez opens his wallet, takes the picture out and unfolds it, revealing that the picture is actually a poster)
Trish: Who cares about autographs? I can't wait to break out my red carpet walk. (she shows it off)
Austin: You call that a red carpet walk? Check this out; (he does one of his own)
Ally: Step aside, rookies. Let uh... Ally D show you how it's done! Unhh! (Ally does hers, which is completely ridiculous, and for some reason includes a beat-box) Unhh!
Austin: I think "Ally D" should probably go in the side entrance.
Dez: The four of us are going to have the best night ever.
Austin: I know. And look; I get access to an exclusive after party.
Trish, Ally, and Dez: Yay!
Austin: A complimentary gift bag.
Trish, Ally, and Dez: Yay!
Austin: An extra ticket for one guest.
Trish, Ally, and Dez: Yay! (suddenly realizing the impact of what he said) What?
Austin: I only get one extra ticket to the show.
Dez: I've never been good at math, but one ticket times three friends is... carry the 4 -
Trish: It means only one of us gets to go.
Dez: Huh, I got 47.
Theme Song
Exterior. B-roll, then Mall of Miami Food Court
Austin: Wow, Trish. Thanks for lunch. I didn't even know they made frosted French fries.
Trish: They don't. (she whips out a big tube of frosting) But I do.
Trish proceeds to squirt more chocolate frosting on his french fries.
Austin: This wouldn't have anything to do with you wanting be my guest at the awards show, would it?
Trish: (scoffs) Whaaaaat? Don't be ridiculous. I want you to know, this isn't about me. You only get to bring one guest. So it's a decision you need to think long and hard about.
Austin: Thanks. I'm glad...
Trish: Enough thinking. You're taking me.
Austin: It's not that easy. You know I'm bad at making decisions. I couldn't even figure out what sneakers to wear this morning.
Brief wide shot as Austin reveals that he's wearing one hot pink sneaker and one neon lime green sneaker.
Trish: Look, you owe me. I'm your manager. Without me you wouldn't even have this gig.
Austin: You're right. You can come with me. I'll just have to break the news to Dez and Ally.
Trish: Great. I'm gonna get a job at Dress Hut so I can get something new to wear.
Austin: What about Megaphone World?
Trish: Ehh, I'll just quit. Ooh, it's all the way at the other end of the mall. (through her megaphone ) ATTENTION MEGAPHONE WORLD! I QUIT!
Trish's Boss: (O.S. through another megaphone) TRISH, YOU WERE FIRED YESTERDAY! PLEASE RETURN THE MEGAPHONE!
Interior. Ally's Practice Room
Dez is sitting in a chair pretending to laugh for some reason. Austin walks in.
Austin: Dez, I need to talk to you. (noticing his weird behavior) What are you doing?
Dez: Practicing my award show reactions. You never know when you're going to be on camera.
Austin: Awesome! I'd better practice mine too.
Dez starts his applause again, and Austin joins him.
Dez: They just announced the video of the year.
Austin: Standing ovation!
Both pretend to be in one.
Austin: You're the man! Love you!
Dez: Let's do the wave!
Austin: Aw, Cool.
Dez starts a wave, and Austin follows.
Dez: We're gonna have so much fun at the awards show.
Austin: About that; Listen Dez, I need to tell you something. I've been thinking about the awards show, and...
Dez: And you're trying to figure out how to let Trish and Ally down easy. Just say "I'm taking Dez! I like him better than you! Stop crying losers!"
Austin: How is that letting them down easy?
Dez: If you want, I can tell them. Can I tell them?
Austin: Look, I obviously want to take you. I mean, you're not just my video director, you're my best friend.
Dez: Yeah. I've been there for you through everything. Remember that time at camp when you ripped your pants and I gave you mine?
Austin: Yeah, you went pant less for the rest of summer.
Dez: And most of the fall. Oh, and remember that time when we got stuck in an elevator? I gave you my pants then, too.
Austin: Yeah. There was really no reason to do that.
Dez: That's what best friends are for. I mean, I can't imagine us not going to your first awards show together.
Austin: (sighs) You're right. I could never go without you. I'm just going to have to tell Trish and Ally the ticket's yours.
Dez: Our first award show. Awesome sauce ! (rips off pants, and hands them to Austin) Here you go, buddy.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally is standing with Nelson as he tries to hold up a sousaphone.
Ally: Are you sure you want to learn to play the sousaphone, Nelson? It's a... really heavy instrument.
Nelson: It's okay, I'm strong.
Ally: Well, just in case, I'd better keep holding onto you... (quickly spotting Austin O.S.) Austin, hey.
Ally walks away to approach Austin, while Nelson falls on his back with the sousaphone wrapped around his body.
Nelson: (O.S.) Aww, Nartz!
Ally: Austin, I'm glad you're here. I just want to let you know, I get what you're going through.
Austin: Really? You're growing hair on your toes, too?
Ally: Eww. No. I meant, I understand how tough this ticket nonsense must be for you. And, the last thing I want to do is add any pressure. Just because Shiny Money's sampling Double Take, a song I wrote, doesn't mean you have to take me.
Austin: Really?
Ally: Really, really.
Austin: (exasperated) Well, great.
Ally: Yup. Greaty, great, great. But here's the thing...
Austin: Aw. But you said "greaty great great."
Ally: If you did want to take me, and again, totally cool if you don't, I need to know sooner rather than later. Because I already requested the night off work, and I need a full day for dress alterations, and if we were going to match my purse to your tie, which I'm assuming we would...
Austin: (interrupting) If I give you the ticket, will you stop talking?
Ally: Yes, I would totally stop talking. Because I'd be so excited and...
Austin: (interrupting) You can come! Besides you're right. You're my partner, you deserve to do. Without your song, I wouldn't even be performing with Shiny Money.
Ally: Thank you, thank you, thank you! (gives him a big hug) Yay! (runs off with her arms in the air)
Austin: (quite nervous, petrified, and sarcastic) Ayy.
Nelson: (O.S.) Austin, can I ask you something?
Camera view widens to reveal that Nelson is still trapped on the floor in his sousaphone.
Austin: I know. Why did I invite everybody? But what was I supposed to do? They all deserve to go. I just couldn't say no. (walks out the back door)
Nelson: No! I was gonna ask you for help! I'm stuck!
Exterior. B-roll, then interior Sonic Boom
Dez is sitting at a drum set wearing a football helmet while he discusses Nelson's sousaphone ordeal.
Dez: Don't worry about what happened with the sousaphone, Nelson. All instruments can be dangerous to play.
Nelson: Is that why you're wearing a helmet? (knocks on his helmet)
Dez: Oh, no. This is how I play drums.
Dez starts playing the drums while crashing his head on the cymbals. Just then Ally walks around a piano wearing a strapless fuchsia cocktail dress with red ostrich feathers throughout the skirt. Her hair is pulled to her left side below her right ear, and she's also wearing bright red lipstick and an apparent diamond pendant necklace.
Dez: Weh-heh-heh-heoooooo!!
Ally: (flattered) Thank you, Dez.
Dez: Oh, no. I'm dizzy from playing head-drums. Weh-heh-heh-heoooooo!!
Ally rolls her eyes at Dez. Just then Trish walks in through the front door, almost as dolled up as her friend, wearing a long one-shouldered purple sparkly dress with a floral pattern. Her hair is pulled back behind her head, and a purple flower is in her hair over her left ear. She's not as made up as Ally, but she is wearing some metallic earrings.
Trish: (posing for Dez and Nelson) What do you think?
Dez: Did your dress get a job at the Megaphone store, because it is LOUD! (rimshot, partially with his helmet)
Trish: Someday, you're going to take off that helmet, and I'll be waiting.
Ally: Why are you all dressed up?
Trish: Because I'm going with Austin to the Miami Internet Music Awards.
Ally: No you're not, Austin promised me the extra ticket.
Dez: Sorry, ladies. You're both wrong. I'm going to the music awards.
Trish: (scoffs) Please. You're not even dressed for it.
Dez: Oh, but I am. Exhibit A; Formal backpack. (Dez turns his back to the two girls to reveal a backpack that looks like a tuxedo.)
Ally: Whatever. He's taking me.
Trish: No way!
Dez: He promised me.
All three start arguing with each other until they are interrupted by Austin, off screen.
Austin: I'm not taking any of you. (Ally turns around) I'm not taking any of you, because I'm not going.
Ally: What are you talking about?
Austin: I messed up. I promised all of you, you could come with me.
Trish: Why would you do that?
Austin: Because, you gave me frosted french fries. And Dez gave me his pants. And Ally... talked for a really long time.
Ally: I don't talk for a really long time. I think I talk for a normal amount of time. I mean, then again, what is the definition of normal. Your normal could be different from my normal, which could be different from Trish's normal, and uh,... you were saying?
Austin: I'm gonna call Shiny Money and tell him I can't perform. This night is about all of us. And if we all can't be there, none of us should.
Trish: Wow. Of all the (suddenly confrontational) selfish things I've ever heard! And after all things I've done for you! I can't believe this is how you thank your manager!
Ally: Yeah, and this is how you thank your partner? This is my moment too.
Dez: And some best friend you are. I was this close to rubbing knees with Shiny Money.
Ally: It's elbows. Rubbing elbows.
Dez: I cant do that. I have sensitive elbows.
Trish: At least something around here is sensitive, because Austin clearly doesn't care about our feelings.
Austin: (Frustrated) You know what? Forget it! I thought you all wanted to be there tonight for me. But I was wrong. You're all acting like selfish little kids.
Trish, Ally, and Dez: (childish) Nu-uhh!!
Austin: And I'm not spending my night with a little kid. Come on, Nelson. Me and you are going to the awards show.
Nelson: I thought you'd never ask.
Nelson rips off his sweater vest, dress shirt and pants simultaneously to reveal a tuxedo. Austin and Nelson walk out the front door.
Exterior; B-roll, then Interior; Ally's practice room.
Ally and Trish are sitting in chairs moping over how they blew their chances to go to the show.
Ally: Did we really just...
Trish: Yep.
Dez walks in from either the bathroom or closet door behind them.
Ally: And Austin's going to...
Trish: Uh-huh.
Ally: So we're pretty much...
Trish: .. the worst friends ever.
Dez: Oh. I want to play the finish the sentence game. Say something Trish.
Trish: Dez, you are such an -
Dez: (interrupting) Elephant! Tractor! Pineapple!
Trish: (sarcastic) Yes, you are such an Elephant, Tractor, Pineapple.
Dez: I'm great at this game.
Ally: So now what? We sit here all night feeling horrible about ourselves?
Dez: Not necessarily.
Trish: Wait a minute; Are you thinking what I'm thinking.
Dez gestures to her that he is, but...
Trish: (almost simultaneously with Dez) We need to sneak in to the show!
Dez: (almost simultaneously with Trish) It'd be so cool to own a penguin.
Ally: Sneak into the show? Trish, we've already upset Austin enough for one night. And Dez, where would you even keep a penguin? In a bathtub? With ice?
Dez: (Nods in agreement, evidently.)
Trish: You guys heard Austin. He wants us there. We have to go and make this right.
Ally: I guess.
Trish: Great! So we're all on the same page?
Dez: Yes. I'll get the penguin, you get the ice, and we'll all meet at Ally's bathtub. (walks out)
Ally and Trish look at each other in bewilderment, then walk out themselves.
Exterior; B-roll of alleged nighttime scenes of Miami, then of an arena where the awards show is staged, presumably the American Airlines Arena.
Announcer: Welcome back to the Miami Internet Music Awards. Now to announce the nominees for the best viral video...
Interior; Stage room at Miami Internet Music Awards.
Announcer: .. the stars of the summer blockbuster "Mummy, Mommy;" Cameron Diaz and little Hayley Carlysle.
Stage changes to TV screen in Austin's dressing room. Austin and Nelson are waiting for Austin's queue to go on stage. Austin is still depressed about leaving his friends behind. Nelson is blown away by all the fancy foods and other gifts in their room.
Nelson: Whoa! Hot dogs and chocolate! (dips a hot dog into a chocolate fountain)
Austin: Chocolate covered hot dogs remind me of Dez.
Stage Manager: (bursting through the door) Austin Moon. You're on in five. (closes the door as he leaves)
Austin: Yelling reminds me of Trish.
Nelson: Whoa! Cotton candy!
Austin: That reminds me of Ally.
Nelson: Cotton candy?
Austin: No, this picture of Ally. (he grabs a picture of Ally from an end-table) Why did I bring this? I just wish my friends were here.
Nelson: (yanking his hands from the cotton candy vat) I'm Cotton Candy Man! (starts running around the room, imitating a monster)
Austin: I really REALLY wish my friends were here.
Interior; Back stage at Miami Internet Music Awards.
Trish, Ally, and Dez are sneaking back stage dressed in trash bag costumes.
Announcer: The Miami Internet Music Awards will be back with Shiny Money, and special guest, Austin Moon.
Ally: Okay, we're in. Can we take off these trash bags now?
Trish: No. We need to look like we belong here. Shiny Money's song is Trash Talka and the dancers all wear trash bags. See? (gestures to the dancers in the background)
Dez: I think this is a good look for me. And the best part is, you never have to worry about finding a trash can. (grabs a half-finished apple from his pocket and throws it in his pouch.)
Trish: Let's just find Austin. We'll be fine just as long as nobody here sees us. (panics) Like that guy! Hide!
All three climb into trash cans. Suddenly the stage manager approaches the scene and stage hands start grabbing garbage cans to move them to the stage.
Stage Manager: Showtime. Everyone take your places.
Interior. Stage at whatever coliseum hosts the MIMA.
Ally rises from the trash can, unaware that she's on stage.
Ally: Did we just move? I felt like...
The revelation of her surroundings immediately causes her to scream in horror, and duck back in the trash can. Just then, Dez and Trish pop out of their cans as they spot Austin off stage with Shiny Money.
Dez: Hey, Trish, check it out. It's Austin with Shiny Money. Hey Austin.
Austin stares at the two of them, knowing trouble is inevitable.
Announcer: Make some noise for the one and only Shiny Money. With special guest, internet sensation, Austin Moon.
Shiny Money: MIAMI, MAKE SOME NOISE!
Trish: What do we do?
Dez: We could ask for his autograph.
Shiny Money: We're about to take the trash out on y'all! It's your boy Shiny Money and Austin Moon! Shiny Money, Shiny Money, Shiny Money! Shiny to the Money-style! Whoo! It's time to take out the trash! Whoo!
Austin joins Shiny Money on stage with the background dancers as they perform Trash Talka. Much of the performance includes Shiny Money throwing stage money out into the audience, and Austin joining him, except that he's distracted by the chaos of his friends behind him. Dez and Trish eventually joint the dancers, but Ally gets away and hides back stage. Between his queue, Austin occasionally tries to talk to his friends.
Austin: What are you guys doing here?
Dez: Trying to learn the dance.
Austin goes into his part of the chorus, then steps to the side to approach Ally, who's hiding backstage.
Ally: Austin, let me explain.
Austin: I can't believe you guys. (Austin returns to his queue)
Ally: Austin, please I...
Austin: How could you guys get in here? I... (Back to his queue)
Ally is spotted from behind by the stage manager.
Stage Manager: You! Get over here! (She takes off and runs behind the other dancers)
Ally: I'll explain later!
As she tries to flee the stage manager during the first verse, Ally dances slightly in order to remain inconspicuous before resuming her escape. The stage manager, realizing he has been put in the spotlight himself, does a dance of his own as he tries to catch Ally, then resumes the chase. Trish and Dez still try to keep up with the other dancers, and don't do such a bad job. Just as Austin and Shiny are about to resume the chorus, stage hands bring out a cart with six empty chemical barrels on top for Shiny Money to climb upon during his performance. He prepares to stage dive giving Dez and Trish "thumbs-up gestures" expecting to be caught by Dez and Trish, who have no idea what they're supposed to be doing, and simply do the same. He dives off the stage and lands on his face. Embarrassed by the incident, Trish and Dez stand next to each other.
Trish: I think we were supposed to catch him.
Austin nervously approaches the injured rap musician, and tries to break the tension.
Austin: (singing awkwardly) ...Double take.
Exterior; B-roll of alleged nighttime scenes of Miami, then Interior; the stage.
The show is over, and the view pans from a janitor sweeping up the stage with a broom to Team Austin. Ally, Dez and Trish are sitting in front of their trash cans, still in their costumes. Austin walks behind those cans as he looks for them.
Austin: You guys still here?
Ally: Yeah, Austin, we're so sorry.
Austin: Sorry for what? For caring more about yourselves than you care about me?
Ally: Um, you're talking to a trash bag.
Austin: (walks around the garbage cans to find them sitting there) Oh, Sorry for what? For caring more about yourselves...
Ally: (interrupting him as they all get up) Austin, you're right. We were being selfish. But then we realized the night was about you, not us. That's why we came down here; to support you.
Austin: So you guys weren't just thinking about yourselves?
Trish: If I was only thinking about myself, do you think I would wear such a ridiculous outfit?
Dez: Yeah. That purple dress you had on earlier was awful.
Trish: I'm talking about the trash bag.
Ally: I'm sorry we ruined the show for you.
Austin: You didn't ruin it. (Ally smiles) Actually, you totally ruined it. (Her smile disappears) But I'm happy you guys came.
Ally: Really?
Austin: Yeah. We're a team. I couldn't imagine my first awards show without you guys here.
Dez: Buddy, if I was wearing real pants, I would totally give them to you right now.
Austin: Yeah, I think we should go back to fist bumping.
Ally chuckles at Austin's remark. Dez decides to throw his fist in the center of the group, followed by Austin, Ally and Trish.
Austin, Ally,
Dez, and Trish
BOOM! (All chuckle)
Two EMS members wheel Shiny Money on a stretcher on the stage. His torso is wrapped in a bandage, he has casts on his forearms and lower legs. One of his arms is supported by a metal beam attached to his torso bandage. He still recognizes Dez and Trish, and the medics stop when he spots them.
Shiny Money: Hey! You were the two dudes that're supposed to catch me!
Trish: You're not still mad, are you?
Shiny Money: Still?! It happened an hour ago!
Ally: Actually, it was two hours ago. You blacked out a little bit.
Shiny Money: My doctor says I can't perform for at least eight months. Thanks a lot!
Dez: Hey, you're welcome. High five.
Dez carelessly slaps the most injured arm, sending him rolling backstage as he screams in pain, only to be injured even further as he crashes into something off screen.
Exterior; B-roll of nighttime scenes of the Mall of Miami, then Interior; Sonic Boom.
In spite of the rule against eating in the store, Austin and Dez are sitting on top of the counter, eating slices of pizza from styrofoam containers.
Dez: This is way better than any of those real after parties.
Austin: Can you imagine me and Nelson hanging out at that after party?
Dez: Where is Nelson anyway? (Austin looks at Dez in shock, realizing he left him there)
Interior; Austin's dressing room at MIMA.
Nelson is covered from head to toe in cotton candy with only an opening for his face and hands, the latter of two that he carries chocolate covered hot dogs with.
Nelson: THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER! YEAAHHHH! YEAAHHHH! YEAAHHHH! MY HOT DOGS! OH YEAH! OH YEAH! WHOOO!
(End credits show, End of Episode)
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Managers & Meatballs/Transcript

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