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World Records & Work Wreckers/Transcript

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World Records & Work Wreckers
Interior. Mall of Miami
Austin and Dez are sitting at a table reading a book when Ally approaches them.
Ally: Am I dreaming, or are you guys actually reading a book?
Austin: It's the book of world records! Me and Dez are gonna set a world record.
Dez: How about the world's longest fingernails?
Austin: Nah, how can we ever go bowling? Oh, here's one! Keeping your eyes open without blinking.
Dez: Ooh, time me! (stands up and stares wide eyed)
Trish: (walks up) Hey!
Austin: Shh! Dez is trying to set the record for not blinking. Nobody bother him for 30 hours and 12 minutes.
Dez: I can't go on, I give up. (dramatically blinks and puts his face in his hands) How long was that?
Austin: 8 seconds.
Trish: I think Ally has a shot at the not blinking record. (all turn to Ally staring at Dallas until Trish snaps her out of it)
Ally: Staring at Dallas, what? No, that's ridiculous.
Trish: Just go talk to him.
Ally: It's not that easy.
Dez: Sure it is. (in a high pitched voice) Hey Dallas! (Dez, Trish, and Austin hide their faces as Trish moves Ally's arm as if she's waving at him)
Ally: And apparently, I'm gonna talk to him. (Austin and Dez gesture to go) Hey, Dallas. Did you see that crazy story on the news?
Dallas: What story?
Ally: Which one were you talking about?
Dallas: I wasn't, you brought it up.
Ally: I know, right? Well, great talking to you.
Dallas: I've been wanting to come by the store and say hi, I just haven't had time. After work, I always have chores. Like today, I have to mow the lawn. It's the worst.
Ally: I can mow your lawn for you! Why would I say that?
Dallas: Really? You'd mow my lawn for me?
Ally: Yep, that's what I heard myself say.
Dallas: Thanks! (he and Ally go separate ways)
Trish: How'd it go?
Ally: Great! Can anybody teach me how to mow a lawn?
Dez: There's no time for that, Ally. I'm about to set the record for the world's biggest brain freeze. (sips smoothie)
Austin: Um, Dez? There's no record for that.
Dez: (stops sipping smoothie) Man, well, it's not working anyways so- (screams due to sudden brainfreeze)
Theme Song
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally and Trish walk into Sonic Boom which is filled with storage boxes everywhere. Ally is currently covered in bits of grass and specks of dirt.
Trish: I can't believe you mowed every lawn of Dallas's block.
Ally: After I mowed his lawn, it just looked so much better than all the other lawns. I felt bad for them.
Trish: Well when you say it like that, it makes so much sense. (looks over at storage boxes) What's all this stuff?
Ally: That's our inventory for the entire year. My dad orders everything at once so he can save, like, 4 dollars.
Lester: (pops up with a guitar) 4 dollars and 36 cents. Ooh, Ally, I need you to carry these boxes upstairs for me. You know I have a bad back.
Ally: There's a lot of boxes. Can we maybe hire someone to help?
Trish: I'm in between jobs right now. I'd love to work here.
Ally: I don't think so.
Lester: Absolutely not.
Trish: Why not? I'd be a great employee.
Ally: Trish, you've had 30 jobs in the last month. You've never even kept a job for 3 days.
Trish: That hurts. I worked at the calendar store for almost a week. And I know, because it was a calendar store.
Ally: It wasn't a week; it was a weekend. And I know because you called in sick and I filled in for both days. (picks up a box and carries it to Lester)
Lester: Ally, we can't afford to hire Trish. We can't afford to hire anyone. It's just me and you. Actually, it's just you. It's free sample time at the food court! (walks away as Austin and Dez come in spinning basketballs on their fingers)
Austin: Check it out, me and Dez are gonna set the world record for spinning a basketball on your finger.
Dez: The old record is 22 hours and 12 minutes. We are going to demolish it. (Austin and Dez exchange their signature handshake)
Trish: Which one of you doofs is gonna set the record?
Austin: What do you mean?
Ally: There can only be one record holder.
Austin: Probably me, I'm getting pretty good at this.
Dez: It's gonna take a lot more than pretty good to beat - very, pretty good.
Austin and Dez: (stand face to face) Oh, it's on! (both drop their basketballs)
Austin: Okay, it'll be on later.
Austin and Dez walk away as Ally goes over to pick up another box. However, Dallas walks into the store, and Trish notices first.
Trish: Psst. (Ally listens and attempts to clean herself up a bit)
Dallas: Hey, Ally. I wanted to thank you for mowing my lawn.
Ally: You don't have to thank me. I was already mowing in the neighborhood.
Trish: Yeah, Wednesday is Ally's mowing day.
Dallas: Well, I gotta get back to work. My boss only gives me a 5 minute break.
Ally: You think your job stinks? You should work here. (gestures to storage boxes)
Dallas: Yeah, I'll see you later, Ally. (walks away)
Ally: Not if your eyes are closed! (laughs and Austin and Dez come back) Why am I still laughing? (laughs)
Austin: Not sure. There's nothing funny about what just happened between you and Dallas.
Interior. Practice Room
Austin walks in on Dez lifting a mini dumbbell with his finger, counting the reps out loud.
Dez: 91, 92, 93, 94...
Austin: What are you doing?
Dez: Strengthening my muscles so I can crush the basketball spinning record. (continues the exercise) Feel the burn, feel the burn! (stops and puts the dumbbell aside)
Austin: Am I supposed to be impressed? This morning, I finger-walked 3 miles. (shows his fingers "walking" across a table)
Dez: Well, I went finger...finger bungee jumping. (shows his finger "jumping" off of a CD stack and coming back up)
Austin: Well, can you spin a 16 pound cinderblock on your finger? (spins cinderblock on finger)
Dez: (laughs) Oh, you amateur. Spinning something heavy won't help you, the key is to spin something light and delicate. That's why I brought all my mom's good china. (brings out china plates) Observe. (attempts to spin plate, but it falls and crashes to pieces on the floor) Hang on. (the action is repeated over and over)
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally is attempting to move a box when Dallas comes in.
Dallas: Hey, Ally.
Ally: Oh, Dallas.
Dallas: I'm ready to start work.
Ally: Huh?
Dallas: Yesterday you said, "If you think your job stinks, you should work here." So I quit my job at the cell phone cart, and here I am!
Ally: I said that?
A small flashback is shown of Ally saying, "If you think your job stinks, you should work here," is shown.
Ally: I said that! (laughs) So now you work here now. Welcome aboard.
Dallas: So what can I do?
Ally: Um, you can move this box up to the storage room. (Dallas obeys and picks it up) Really quick, let's just say you wanted to get your job at the cell phone cart back...
Dallas: It's too late, they already gave my job to someone else. (walks up the stairs with the box)
Trish: (walks in) Guess who got a job at the cell phone accessory cart? (Ally shows to be frustrated) What?
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally and Trish are behind the counter and Ally watches as Dallas continues to carry up the boxes.
Trish: I can't believe you hired Dallas and not me.
Ally: I didn't hire him on purpose. (Dallas drops a box and whatever is on the inside breaks)
Dallas: Sorry.
Ally: You're doing great. (turns to Trish) He's a terrible employee.
Trish: Then why don't you fire him?
Ally: I can't, he quit his other job so he can work here for me. And now I can't get his job back because somebody else took it.
Trish: Don't blame me. You can't fire him because you have a humongous crush on him.
Ally: I know, it's just easier to blame you.
Trish: What are you gonna do about your dad?
Ally: I'm just gonna tell him the truth.
Lester: (walks up) Hey, Ally.
Ally: Nobody new works here!
Lester: Huh?
Ally: (turns to Trish) Help me out here...
Trish: I can't, I have to get back to my job is I'm going to prove to somebody that I can keep a job for 3 days. By the way, has it been 3 days?
Ally: It's been 2 hours.
Trish: Man, how do people do this? (walks away)
Dallas: (walks up) Excuse me, sir? I just want to say, I'm happy to be on board.
Lester: Okay?
Ally: On board? Weird, huh? That guy thinks he's on a boat. (gestures to Dallas) Aye aye, captain!
Exterior. Mall of Miami
Austin and Dez are in the food court holding their basketballs and many people are sitting watching them as they speak.
Austin: Welcome, everybody. You're about to witness record-breaking history. (people applaud) In less than 24 hours, one of us will hold the record for spinning a basketball.
Dez: And by one of us, he means me.
Austin: And by me, he means me.
Dez: I'm confused.
Austin: Anyway, these record book officials will be officially recording our official times. Officially! (stands back face to face with Dez) Ready? (the two start to spin their basketballs) I could do this all day.
Dez: Me too. Wait, did you mean spin the ball or stare? I'm confused.
Austin: The ball.
Dez: Good. 'Cause you know I stink at staring.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally is carrying a box towards the counter while Dallas talks to her.
Dallas: You sure you're not mad I sold that $500 guitar for $50?
Ally: Oh, that's okay. You didn't see the extra 0 on the price tag.
Dallas: There was a price tag?
Ally: Wow...
Dallas: So, what can I do now?
Ally: Um, I need you to- (grabs glass jar full of guitar picks) take all these picks out of the jar, uh, separate them by color, and then mix them up again and put them back in the jar.
Dallas: Oh-kay... (takes jar and walks away as Austin and Dez come in spinning their basketballs with the record officials behind them)
Austin: How's it going?
Ally: Horrible.
Dez: Horrible great, or horrible bad?
Ally: There's only one kind of horrible. Dallas isn't the greatest worker, so I have to put all these boxes away by myself.
Austin: We'll help you.
Ally: Are you sure you'll be able to carry boxes while spinning those balls?
Dez: It's easy. (picks up box) Eh?
Austin: I can carry 2 boxes. (shown holding 2 boxes)
Dez: 3 boxes and a birthday cake. (shown holding 3 boxes with a white birthday cake on top)
Ally: Why do you have a birthday cake?
Dez: Uh, because they were out of wedding cakes. (Dez and Austin start to put the boxes away and Lester comes in)
Dallas: Hey, boss!
Lester: Boss?
Ally: Hey, boss! That's what all the kids are saying these days. Hey boss! What's up, boss? Nothing, just chilling, boss.
Lester: Whatever you say, boss. (laughs)
A loud crash is heard, causing Lester and Ally direct their attention to the scene. Austin and Dez with their record officials are shown by several boxes on the floor with bits of peanut styrofoam packing all over the place.
Austin: Sorry we dropped the boxes, we were just trying to help.
Dez: You know, because the guy Ally hired stinks. Not getting any of my cake.
Lester: (turns to Ally) Ally? Want to explain what's going on?
Ally: Well, I kind of, accidentally hired Dallas to work here. And I know I need to let him go, but I can't because Trish has his old job and even though he's as bad as-
Lester: Ally, this is your mess. You know we can't afford another employee. You have to fire Dallas.
Ally: (sighs) I know. You're right. (gets pushed by Lester, who at first seemed to offer a hug, towards Dallas) Hey, Dallas.
Dallas: Almost done with the picks! I broke a couple...
Ally: How did you- that's okay. Uh, listen, I really enjoy having you around here but-
Dallas: Thanks so much for giving me this job! I love it here! And the best part: I get to see you everyday.
Ally: (giggles) Aww, really? (to herself) Aww, really...
Exterior. Mall of Miami
Trish and Ally are walking in the mall.
Ally: I couldn't fire Dallas. I tried, but then he started talking about how much he likes hanging out with me and I ended up giving him a raise.
Trish: I like hanging out with you.
Ally: I'm not giving you any money. Listen, Trish-
Trish: Fine, I'll fire Dallas for you.
Ally: That's not what I was gonna ask.
Trish: Are you sure? 'Cause I'd fire him good. Real good.
Ally: No. I want you to quit your job so we can get Dallas's old job back.
Trish: I'm not quitting. I'll admit, at first, I was only keeping this job to prove a point, but I actually like it! I get to talk on the phone all day, and it turns out, I'm great at bejeweling! (shows off bejeweled phones and cash register)
Ally: Wow, you're good at a job? (Trish nods) Ugh, what am I gonna do?
Trish: Listen, I know it's hard for you. If it'll make it easier, I'll quit.
Ally: Really?
Trish: No. But, I'll tell you what. I'll teach you how to fire Dallas! I've picked up a few things from being fired 307 times.
Dez: (walks in with Austin) What's up, girls?
Trish: Wow, I can't believe you guys haven't messed up yet.
Austin: Please, this is the easiest thing I've ever done.
Dez: Well, it's the easier-est thing I've ever done.
A montage is shown of Austin and Dez doing various activities while still spinning their basketballs. Activities include painting, wrapping presents, playing table tennis, playing video games, performing, and sleeping.
Interior. Practice Room
Ally is sitting in a chair in the middle of the practice room while Trish is pacing and talking to Ally.
Trish: Okay, you want to fire someone? You got options. You need to find out what works for you. I like to keep it simple. I call it, "The Classic Fire." (turns around and impersonates a more "harsh" Ally) Dallas, you're fired. Pack up your stuff and get out of my face.
Ally: That seems a little harsh.
Trish: Okay, then there's the friendly fire. (turns around and impersonates an Ally with a softer tone) Dallas, you're fired. Pack up your stuff and, get out of my face.
Ally: That still sounds a little harsh.
Trish: Really? Wow, okay. Here's this: the silent fire. (opens up door, points out of it, and shakes head while frowning, but Ally shakes her head in response) Fine. (closes door) Let's try something else. I'll be Dallas. Show me how you'd fire me. (impersonating Dallas by flipping hair) Hey, Ally. Your hair looks really nice today.
Ally: Hehe, really? Because I've been using this new conditioner- (Trish gives her a look) I mean, um, hey, Dallas. There's something we need to talk about.
Trish: I know, I was late, I'm sorry. My bike had a flat tire-
Ally: I can fix it for you!
Trish: (Trish gives her a look) Ally! You should just let me fire him. I know the perfect way. I call it, "The Big Wammo Public Humiliation Fire". I'm gonna need a marching band, a gospel choir, a juggling band, a-
Ally: You know, I should do it.
Trish: Fine, but you're too nice. You need to be worked up to fire Dallas. Isn't there anything that makes you angry?
Ally: Well, I really don't like when people talk with food in their mouth. Oh, and when people say, "libary" instead of "library". Or what about the sound styrofoam makes when you rub it together. The- (pretends to rub styrofoam together) er-er-er-er. I hate that!
Trish: Okay, Ally, this is good.
Ally: Yeah, I can do this! I'm gonna fire him when he shows up for work later.
Trish: Great! Let's get you worked up!
Trish takes a bite of a banana and chews it with her mouth open, grabs styrofoam cups and rubs them together while repeating "libary", causing Ally to get more worked up.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin and Dez are still spinning their balls, while their record officials watch near them.
Austin: I can't believe we're 5 minutes away from breaking the old record! Soon, the new record will belong to me.
Dez: Unless something happens to make you drop the ball. (blows on Austin's ball)
Austin: Hey! (steps on Dez's foot) Oops.
Dez: (screams)
The two start fighting and Ally notices, making her come in between them.
Ally: Guys, stop it! What are you doing? You're best friends, are you really fighting over getting your name in some stupid book? (record officials give her a look) Sorry, I'm sure it's a great book. (walks away)
Austin: Ally's right. We're being silly.
Dez: Yeah, I don't even care if I get the record. In fact, I hope you get it.
Austin: You know what, I'm gonna let you win. (stops spinning the ball and his record official stops the stopwatch and walks away)
Dez: Wow, thanks, man. You know what, I'm gonna let you win. (stops the ball and his record official stops the stopwatch and walks away as well)
Austin: What are you doing?! I already lost! You were about to set the record!
Dez: Aww, man! (both start walking away)
Austin: What do you want to do now?
Dez: Well, I gotta go buy my mom new plates.
As Austin and Dez walk out of the store, Dallas shows up and Ally notices.
Ally: (to herself) Okay, I can do this. (rubs styrofoam together) Oh, uh, Dallas, I need to talk to you.
Dallas: I need to talk to you too. I have to quit working here.
Ally: There's no easy way to say this, but- What? You're quitting?
Dallas: Yeah, I'm really sorry, but I got another job-
Ally: Aww, are you kidding?! You're not gonna work here anymore? Man, that's horrible! What happened? That stinks! Why?
Dallas: Well, I got a new job at the libary.
Ally: (obviously bothered by "libary") Oh, uh, library? Really?
Dallas: Yeah, my mom's a libarian.
Ally: Oh, uh...
Dallas: And she's been trying to get me to work at the libary (Ally cringes) for a while.
Ally: Darn. Darn-y, darn, darn.
Dallas: Let me just take up that last box up before I go. (accidentally drops box while picking it up) Sorry.
Trish: (walks in) You couldn't do it, could you?
Ally: I didn't have to. He quit! He got another job.
Trish: He quit?! Uh oh. I knew you couldn't go through with firing him, so I kinda took matters into my own hands.
Two cheerleaders then come in holding a banner that says, "Dallas, you're fired!" A marching band comes in playing and Dallas watches, appalled.
Ally: Really, a marching band?
Trish: Um, there's more.
Gospel Choir: (comes in) ♫ You're fired, ooh. You're so fired. In fact, you were never hired, ooh. You're fired, ooh. You're so fired. Ally wants to fire you because you stink at what you do, Ally wants to fire you because you stink at what you do. You're fired, ooh. ♫
A bunch of balloons then rain down from the ceiling. The balloons have the message, "You're fired" on them.
Trish: So that's the big wammo public humiliation fire I was telling you about. It usually ends with a juggling bear. Next time.
Being nervous, Ally then starts to chew a lock of her hair and shrinks down to the floor with Trish.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally and Trish are cleaning up the mess of Dallas being hired from earlier. Dallas comes into the store and Ally sees him.
Ally: Oh, uh, Dallas, I am so sorry about the whole firing-you-marching-band-thing.
Dallas: It's okay, I probably deserved it. I wasn't the best employee. I just, I get so nervous when I'm around you sometimes.
Ally: You get nervous around me? Around nervous I get you! (realizes what she just said) See?
Dallas: I should probably get going. I have to work at the libary. (Ally cringes again as he walks away)
Trish: So, I'm guessing no more crush since he says "libary"?
Ally: Actually, it's kinda cute when he says it.
Trish: Well, on a more important note, guess who kept her job at the cell phone cart for three whole days?
Ally: Not you, it's only been two days.
Trish: What?! I just quit! Oh, man... Oh well.
Austin and Dez come into the store.
Austin: Hey, we decided to set new world records. I'm gonna be the world's oldest man. Starting... Now! (starts stopwatch) Woo, only 107 years to go.
Dez: And, I'm gonna be the world's best plate spinner. (takes set of plates out of backpack) Starting... Now.
Dez attempts to spin a plate, but it drops to the floor with a crash, and says, "Hang on." He repeats the action while Austin, Trish, and Ally watch.
End credits show, End of episode
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Deejays & Demos/Transcript
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