Zaliens & Cloud Watchers
Interior. Sonic Boom
Ally: (walks over to Austin and Dez, whom are playing on the xylophone grill) Guys! I finally finished the new song. (sees what they are doing) What are you doing?
Dez: Xylophone grilling.
Austin: It's a way to combine my awesome music skills with Dez's mad cooking skills. (Dez accidentally flips a patty onto the window)
Dez: (takes the patty off of the window and offers it to Ally) Window burger?
Ally: No thanks, I'm trying this new diet where I don't eat anything totally disgusting.
Trish: (enters the store in a giant cheese costume) Guess who got a job at Cheese out of My League?
Ally: Ooh, the high-end cheese store. That place is so much better than Cheese Just Okay. (turns to Austin) So, I just finished the song for our new webcast. It perfectly captures everything you're about. (puts the headphones on Austin) Listen. What do you think?
Austin: I love it!
Ally: Yay!
Austin: (once Ally is gone) I hate it.
Dez: Here. (gets a drum out that is filled with chili) Try it with my drum chili. (pours the chili onto the burger)
Austin: Not the burger; Ally's song! I don't like it.
Dez: Well, maybe my drum chili will help with that too. (pours drum chili onto Ally's music player)
Theme Song
Interior. Cheese out of my League
Trish: Thank you for shopping at Cheese out of My League! (her costume makes her bump into other cheese items)
Austin: (he is playing cheese equivalent of Go Fish with Dez) Got any cheddar?
Dez: Go fish. (Austin picks up a piece of cheese from the pile) Got any provolone? (Austin hands a piece of cheese to Dez; Dez bites it) This is monterey jack! (throws the cheese onto the floor) Cheater.
Austin: Sorry, I'm distracted. I can't stop thinking about Ally's song. The lyrics are so not me.
Dez: Well, if you don't feel like playing, I'm going to eat the deck.
Austin: I mean, check out these lyrics. (reads from the paper) I'm a sensitive guy, sad movies and sunsets make me cry. (stops reading from paper) I hate sad movies, and what kind of guy cries at sunsets?
Dez: Bye-bye Mister Sun. He won't be back until tomorrow. (starts crying)
Trish: Man, I hate this job. My entire uniform is made out of real cheese, including my underwear!
Dez: I wear cheese underwear all the time! I love it. I really feel like I can breathe in it, especially the swiss.
Trish: Why would you do that?
Dez: Because the goat cheese is too squishy!
Austin: Guys! What am I going to do? I don't like Ally's song, but if I tell her, it'll hurt her feelings.
Dez: There's only one thing you can do.
Trish: I never thought I'd say this, but Dez is right. Be honest with her.
Dez: (at the same time as Trish's last sentence) Give her a pickle basket. (gets hit by Trish's cheese costume) Ow! What? She loves pickles!
Trish: She also loves honesty.
Dez: Well I don't have an honesty basket. I only have a pickle basket.
Austin: I guess I'll tell Ally the truth. There's nothing to be afraid of. (turns around to see Ally and screams)
Ally: Are you screaming because you're as excited about the webcast as I am?
Austin: Yeah. You know me so well.
Ally: This is the best song I've ever written! It's perfect for you!
Austin: Yeah, about that, I need to tell you something. I-I-Guys, little help?
Dez: Can't talk; got cheese in my mouth.
Trish: And I'm not here.
Ally: Uh, anyway, before I forget, I invited some friends over to watch you tape the webcast. I want to see their faces when you sing our most awesome song ever! So, what were you going to tell me?
Austin: Uh... That I got you a pickle basket!
Ally: Aw, thank you. I like pickles!
Interior. Ally's Practice Room
Austin: (in a raspy tone) Ally, bad news. I can't do the webcast today; I lost my voice.
Ally: Oh no, that's terrible!
Austin: I know, I feel awful. We're going to have to reschedule; there's just- (speaks in normal tone) No way, that girl is cute! (tries to follow the girl; Ally pulls him back)
Ally: Your voice is fine. (laughs) I get it. You're just messing with me; I can do that too. Hey, I'm writing you a bad song!
Austin: Ha ha, that would be funny.
Dez: You ready, Austin? We're live in 5, 4, 3, 2, (whispers) 1
Austin: What's up? I'm Austin Moon, and this is my webcast. I guess I'm going to sing a new song. (Ally and Trish clap before everyone else does) But, um, um, first, I thought I would dance! (puts the microphone down) Hit it. (DJ plays music; Austin dances)
Ally: What's he doing? Is he stalling?
Trish: No, people don't dance when they stall.
Ally: So why isn't he singing my song?
Trish: Uh... (starts dancing)
Ally: (moves closer to Austin) Sing the song!
Austin: What?
Ally: Sing the song, Ooh! (the camera focuses on her before she moves away)
Austin: Can't hear you; dancing.
Ally: Just sing the stupid song! (Dez turns around and almost points the camera at Ally, but she pushes him back towards Austin) No!
Austin: Well, if you think the song is stupid, I probably shouldn't perform it. Thanks for watching; see you next week. I'm out!
Ally: Why didn't you sing my new song? (Austin mumbles something that cannot be interpreted) What? (he mumbles more incomprehensible nonsense) What?
Austin: I'm sorry, Ally, but I didn't like the song. (he walks out)
Ally: Dez, did you know about this?
Dez: Well, I uh- (makes odd noises as he dances his way out of the room. Ally turns around to face Trish who starts dancing again)
Interior. Ally's Practice Room
Ally: (Austin is playing the piano; she walks in and he stops) Austin! Why didn't you just tell me you hated the song?
Austin: I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Ally: So it was better to embarrass me in front of a million people on the Internet?
Austin: You really think a million people were watching? Look, it's a good song, but it's all about how serious and sensitive I am. That's not me. That's you. I'm more chill; what up?
Ally: I can be chill. What's up?
Austin: Oh yeah, that's chill. Look, the point is, Ally, I feel like you don't even know me. I like having fun; I break some rules; I color outside the lines!
Ally: Why do you have a coloring book?
Austin: I just told ya; I'm fun!
Ally: I'm fun too! I can color outside the lines. (picks up a crayon) I can't color outside the lines. Okay, uh, maybe we don't know each other that well. We've only been partners for a little while.
Austin: Hey, what if we hang out more? I bet if we get to know each other better, it could help our songwriting.
Ally: That's a great idea. I can do stuff you like, and you can do stuff I like.
Austin: Cool. What are we going to do?
Ally: Um. (picks up a light blue shirt that says CLOUD WATCHING) My Cloud Watching Club meets in five minutes.
Austin: (with sarcasm) Oh, yay.
Interior. Mall of Miami
Ally: Ooh, ooh, look! That cloud looks like a car with wings. (the other members jot that down and ooh) Oh! And that one's a pineapple on a canoe. (the members let out ahs) What do you see, Austin?
Austin: A big, white, puffy thing. (he receives boos from the other members)
Ally: C'mon, you're not even trying.
Austin: Okay, okay. I see a snowman eating marshmallows.
Ally: Eh, wrong! It's a bunny on a bicycle. Uh, how can you not see that? Can you believe this guy?
Austin: Okay, now I know you better. You like really lame things. (Ally pointedly glares at him) Can we go do my things now?
Ally: Uh, if you can think of something more fun than cloud watching, I'm all ears.
Austin: I'm taking you to a horror movie fest.
Dez: I was supposed to go with you to that.
Ally: Ugh, I hate horror movies. They're so boring.
Austin: More boring than staring at clouds all afternoon?
Dez: Yeah, that's the boringest thing I've ever heard. Hey, check it out! A bunny on a bicycle.
Austin: It's not a bunny on a bicycle! (walks away)
Ally: It's a bunny on a bicycle.
Dez: Oh yeah.
Ally: Oh yeah.
Interior. Fright Fest, at a local movie theater
Austin: How did you not like Swamp Bride? There was a wedding! Girls love weddings.
Ally: The swamp guy ate the bridesmaids.
Austin: They ran out of appetizers!
Ally: Ugh! This stuff is just silly. I-I mean, chewy eyeballs and chocolate intestines?
Austin: Don't forget red veins. Oh yeah. (bites into one) (sees Walter) Hey Walter.
Ally: Hi Walter!
Walter: Oh, don't hey, hi Walter me. You littered in my theater!
Austin: We didn't litter.
Walter: Oh yeah? Look what I found underneath your seat. Recognize this? (his gloved fist opens up to reveal a piece of popcorn)
Ally: Uh, yeah. It's popcorn.
Walter: Aha! How would you know that if you didn't litter?
Ally: Uh, because we've seen popcorn before?
Walter: (heads toward Austin) I'm watching you. (turns toward Ally) You too.
Ally: (Zalien Dez tries to sneak up on her; when she turns around, he makes a sound effect) Uh, hi Dez. What are you supposed to be? An alien zombie?
Dez: No, a zombie alien. I'm a zalien, character from my favorite thirteen movies of all time. Zaliens, Zaliens 2, Zaliens 3, Zaliens 4, Zaliens 5, Zaliens 7-
Ally: Uh! Uh, yeah, you forgot Zaliens 6.
Dez: Ugh, that movie stinks. I wish I could forget it.
Nelson: (walks up to Austin and Ally as Dez walks away) Hey guys. I'm ready for the fight fest! (starts punching the two; it doesn't hurt)
Ally: Uh, whoa, Nelson, it's a fright fest, not a fight fest.
Nelson: Aw nartz! I practiced my right hook all week.
Austin: Well, keep practicing. (Trish walks up just as Dez comes back and Nelson leaves)
Trish: Guess who's ready to get her zalien on? (Ally screams)
Dez: Seriously? We're wearing the same costume, but you're scared of her?
Ally: I'm scared because you guys have something in common. (Trish and Dez turn around, face each other and scream)
Dez: Best Zalien movie ever?
Trish: Uh, duh! Zaliens 3: Brain Eaters from Beyond. Best scene in that movie?
Dez: Uh, duh! When the zaliens take the shape of teachers and eat the football team's brains.
Trish: Okay, okay! No biggie. So we have a few things in common. That doesn't make us friends. It could just be a coincidence.
Dez: Favorite number between one and a billion?
Trish & Dez: (simultaneously) Two! (they scream again)
Trish: Zalien brain suck! (She and Dez put a hand on each other's heads and make strange noises as they spin round and round)
Ally: Okay, now this is the scariest thing I've seen all day.
Austin: I think it's kinda cool that they have something in common. Wish we were more like them. BRAIN SUCK! (puts his hand on Ally's head and makes weird noises)
Ally: (moves his hand) Don't suck my brain. Okay, uh, so we don't like the same stuff, but at least we're getting to know each other! And now, it's Ally's turn, so fasten your seat belt because you're about to take a ride on the fun train. A whoo whoo!
Interior. Mall Pond
Austin: The mall pond? (throws a stone at the water) I think the fun train let us off at the wrong station. (sadly) Whoo whoo.
Ally: Hey, I come here for creative inspiration. (heads to the bench) I sit on this bench, watch the geese, and write lyrics in my songbook. (sits down) Have a seat.
Austin: I'm not sitting on that bench.
Ally: Do you have to hate everything I like?
Austin: No, the bench is covered with goose poop.
Ally: Ew. (stands up) Ugh. Anyway, uh, I write all my best songs here. Well, with the help of Pickles.
Austin: I already know you like pickles; can we go now?
Ally: (grabs onto his arm) No no no, no! Uh, that's Pickles. (the camera pans over to show a goose) I've been coming to hang with him since I was a little girl. Watching him helps me when I have writer's block.
Austin: I get it. It's kinda why I like horror movies. There's something about monsters slurping up brains that gets me psyched to perform!
Ally: Don't you think he's cute?
Austin: I guess. (Pickles honks loudly at him) Okay, you're cute!
Ally: Oh no! They're getting rid of the pond tomorrow! They're making this into a parking lot! What's going to happen to Pickles?
Austin: Maybe he could move into that store with the ducks on the window.
Ally: That's a Chinese restaurant.
Austin: Okay, calm down, we'll call a zoo and... What are you doing?
Ally: Stealing a goose. I need Pickles! Who else is going to help me write your songs?
Austin: Ally, are you breaking the rules? Awesome! I never thought I'd see Ally Dawson dressed as a swamp bride, stealing a goose and running from a security guard!
Ally: I'm not running from a security guard.
Austin: We should be.
Security Guard: Freeze! [turns on light and flashes it at Ally; she screams and runs away; Austin laughs until the light is on him and then he runs too]
Interior. Movie Theater
Dez: [exchanges a look with Trish before scaring the guy in front of him] Blegh!
Trish: I'm sorry, my friend here is really childish. I promise he won't do that again. [shares another look with Dez and scares two people in front of her]
Ally: [she and Austin run into the theater] Why did we come back here?
Austin: We had to get away from that security guard!
Ally: You just want to watch the end of Zaliens 5.
Austin: Then we're killing two birds with one stone. [Pickles honks at that] It's just an expression. We're not killing any birds.
Walter: Shhhh! No talking during the movie. [Pickles honks in response] Did you just honk at me?
Ally: Wait, no, Walter, uh, that was-
Austin: Me! I honked at you. [he honks]
Walter: Excuse me? I'm warning ya, kid, I speak Goose and that kind of language will not be tolerated in my theater.
Austin: Sorry Walter, I meant to say... [he honks again, this time in a more apologetic and subdued tone]
Walter: Apology accepted. I'm still watching you. Hey, who littered? That better be a real eyeball, and not a gummy one.
Austin & Ally sneak down to two empty Trish and Dez as Pickles honks. Ally bump into Trish.
Trish: What's in your dress?
Ally: Pickels the Goose. We need to find him a new home because they're tearing out the pond. (Pickels honks)
Nelson: Shhhhh!
Trish: Why won't he quite down?
Ally: I don't know. Maybe he's hungry.
Austin: There's popcorn on the floor. Let him eat that.
Ally: Okay. (starts putting him down) Hey Pickles. (puts him down and suddenly realizes Dez is missing) Uhh, where did Dez go?
Trish looks around for him when he suddenly pops up from below the seats behind them.
Dez: Hey guys. Did you know there was free popcorn down here?
Dez ducks back down below the seats as Trish and Ally look at each other in disgust. He crawls in front of the audience members in that row, behind them apologizing to each patron, then pops up between the seats between Ally and Austin.
Dez: We've got a little problem.
Ally: You've got a little problem. You're eating popcorn off the floor.
Dez: No. Pickles crawled under the seats.
Ally: Ohh, we've got to get him back.
Nelson: OW! Something just bit me! (Austin & Ally try to hush him up, but it's no use. Pickles honks and bites Nelson, again) Ow! It bit me again! There's a Zalien in here!
Ally: It - It's not a Zalien. It's a goose.
Dez: (in a spooky voice) A zombie goose!
The goose honks as it runs around the movie theater and hassles random patrons. Briefly it pokes it head behind the seat between Ally and Austin and honks at them. Ally tries to grab him, but he gets away. The goose begins bumping the seats under each movie goer in the row in front of Team Austin, pushing them up in the air, causing them to spill their popcorn, soda, and other concessions like dominoes, then proceeds to the row that contains Team Austin, and finally the section under Nelson, who promptly panics.
Chaos erupts as most of the moviegoers flee for the exits. Walter steps in and tries to keep order, while Dez and Trish stand around making fun of him. We and Walter spot Pickles, and the usher is on the warpath.
Walter: That's it, Goose! Nobody wrecks my theater!
Pickles is equally enraged and flies right into Walter's face. Dez and Trish stand in shock, as the goose repeatedly bites Walter's nose.
Austin: This is awesome!
Ally: Awesome? Pickles just caused a panic in the theater and is attacking Walter. How can you be laughing?
Austin: Because, Pickles just caused a panic in the theater and is attacking Walter. It's funny. You've got to look at things my way sometimes, and stop being so serious.
Ally: (As Pickles continues to attack Walter) You're right. This is kind of funny.
Austin: Hey, Walter. Shhhh! There's no screaming in the theater. (Team Austin laughs at him)
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin walks in to find Ally sitting on a chair knitting as Pickles stands on the floor next to her.
Austin: What are you doing?
Ally: Pickles is going to the animal reserve. (Pickles honks) So I'm knitting him some webbed-footie pajamas. (He honks again; Ally shows Austin her work. She walks up to the counter and Austin follows her)
Austin: Yesterday was fun. I'm glad we got to hang out.
Ally: Me too. I feel like we really know each other now. So we're different -- It makes us better partners.
Austin: Totally. You sure you're gonna be okay without Pickles?
Ally: Yeah. I kind of realized I don't need him to help me write songs anymore. I've got a new goose. His name is Austin.
Austin: Cool! You named a goose after me? Where is he?
Ally: It's you. You're my goose.
Austin: Why? Because I pooped on the bench one time? I was two years old!
Ally: (briefly looking at him as if that was more than she wanted to know) No, it's a metaphor. I have you, so I don't need Pickles anymore.
Austin: Oh. Thanks, Ally. (Ally briefly chuckles at him. Austin walks towards a piano, and Ally follows him.) You wanna go work on the new song for the webcast?
Ally: I already wrote one. I think you're going to like it much better than the other one.
Ally sits down at a piano in the store and Austin sits next to her. Ally starts off playing the song "It's Me, It's You", which almost immediately cuts to the music video performed by Austin. The video is a montage of scenes emphasizing the differences between the pop-star and songwriter, which include lots of singing and dancing by Austin, appearances by a now injured Walter, Dez, Trish, Nelson, lots of attempts by Ally to avoid being filmed, Austin sleeping, etcetera.
Interior. Sonic Boom
Austin and Ally are sitting behind the counter with their own coloring books.
Ally: I forgot how much fun coloring was.
Austin: Du'uh. (Ally smiles at him, almost ready to laugh)
Trish and Dez walk into the store with light jacket and a button down shirt as if they're hiding something underneath them, because they are.
Trish: Guess who got a job at Tee-Shirt World? (Opens her jacket to reveal a picture of Dez)
Dez: Guess who gets a best friend discount? (Opens his shirt to reveal a picture of Trish)
Ally: I'm so happy you guys like hanging out together. And by "happy," I mean totally weirded out.
Trish: Why? We like the same favorite horror movie, the same favorite number, and the same favorite pizza toppings; Pepperoni.
Dez: (at the same time as Trish's last sentence) Mushrooms.
Trish and Dez: (also simultaneously) Mushrooms?!/Pepperoni?! UGH!
Trish: I can not be friends with someone who likes Mushrooms!
Dez: Well, I can't be friends with someone who likes... Pepperoni.
Ally: You guys are gonna end your friendship over something as silly as a pizza topping?
Dez: It's not just pizza topping. First, she likes pepperoni. Then, she doesn't want to get it delivered because she thinks we don't get out enough. But sometimes I'm tired and I just want to watch TV!
Trish: Why are you so tired all the time? I'm the one who works at least 2 jobs a day! (Dez walks out the back door and Trish follows him)
Austin: Well, everything's back to normal. Let's see what you've got.
Ally: You're gonna be so proud of me. I colored outside the lines.
Austin: Where'd you color outside the lines?
Ally: Uh, right there. (Austin grabs the coloring books and starts scribbling maniacally all over the page) No! Stop!
Austin: (Austin continues to colors all over the page) Who's outside the lines now?
Ally: You broke my crayon!
(End credits show, End of Episode)
Secrets & Songbooks/Transcript
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Bloggers & Butterflies/Transcript

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